Just how...

Just how much am I willing to give?

Just how far am I willing to go?

Just how deep will you take me?

Is it so far, I'll have to let go?

Just how wide will your love be?

Just how long will it last?

Just how much abuse will you take?

Before justice comes to pass?

Just how much will I trust you?

Just how long down this road?

Just how far from your borders?

Just far must I go?

I don't think I can do this.

If you aren't a part of it.

I was hurt so much the first time.

I was hurt and it bled.

But now the bleeding is over.

And my wounds are almost healed.

And the scar is left to remind me.

It's in your blood I am sealed.

Just how can you love me this much?

Really? This is the mentality of my country?

A friend (who is a proud republican) recently sent me this email. I'm sure he was serious.

"A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials in ages!! It explains things better than all the baloney you hear on TV.

Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally addressing the issue of illegal immigration. Certain people are angry that the US might protect its own borders, might make it harder to sneak into this country and, once here, to stay indefinitely. Let me see if I correctly understand the thinking behind these protests.

Let's say I break into your house. Let's say that when you discover me in your house, you insist that I leave. But I say, "I've made all the beds and washed the dishes and did the laundry and swept the floors; I've done all the things you don't like to do. I'm hardworking and honest (except for when I broke into your house).

According to the protesters, not only must you let me stay, you must add me to your family's insurance plan, educate my kids, and provide other benefits to me and to my family (my husband will do your yard work because he too is hard-working and honest, except for that breaking in part).

If you try to call the police or force me out, I will call my friends who will picket your house carrying signs that proclaim my right to be there.

It's only fair, after all, because you have a nicer house than I do, and I'm just trying to better myself. I'm hardworking and honest, um, except for well, you know.

And what a deal it is for me! I live in your house, contributing only a fraction of the cost of my keep, and there is nothing you can do about it without being accused of selfishness, prejudice and being an anti-housebreaker. Oh yeah, and I want you to learn my language so you can communicate with me.

Why can't people see how ridiculous this is?!

Only in America ....if you agree, pass it on (in English). Share it if you see the value of it as a good simile. If not blow it off along with your future Social Security funds.

Are you able to read this? If so, thank a Teacher. And since it's in English, thank a soldier."

Now, I'm as proud as I can be to be an American. I take my hat off during the national anthem. I even have red, white and blue underwear. But let me see if I can follow the logic of this...

You are comparing this country (into which I was born) and my house (that which I paid for). I don't own America. Just because I carry a Costco card doesn't make me the CEO. What happened to:

"Give me your tired, your poor,

Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.

Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,

I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Yes they came here illegally. But I doubt very seriously if anyone can look back down their family tree and find someone who made an "agreement" with the Navajo. I'm not saying we should send an open invitation to every soul in Mexico. But maybe instead of strengthening our borders we could find a way to strengthen the Mexican economy. For all the millions of dollars we spend on defense of the border, we could initiate some new business ideas and commerce for the "wretched refuse." We are all, afterall, citizens of only ONE kingdom...and that's something even republican's will agree with you on!

Things To Be Thankful For...

I spent this last thanksgiving in a very unthanksgiving enviroment. Candice's parents were out of town, so I didn't have anyone to mooch off of. So, we headed to some friends house full of people I didn't know or care to know. We didn't have any Turkey. Yes, that's right, NO TURKEY. We didn't have mashed potatoes, corn, gravy, rolls, or stuffing. We also didn't sit down and say everything we are thankful for. What kind of American Thanksgiving was this? A communist one! Well, I for one won't stand for it! I'm going to say the things I'm thankful for if it's the last thing I do. Or the next thing I do...

1. My Wife
2. My Girlfriends (thats a joke)
3. My Wife's sense of humor that won't kill me for making that joke.
4. Turkey.
5. The Indianapolis Colts.
6. My Friends.
7. Big Screen TVs.
8. Ipods.
9. The new Jeep Wranglers.
10. Jesus Dying on the cross for the forgiveness of my sins (see number 2)
11. The Star Wars Kid.

"The Star Wars Kid"? Yes, the Star Wars Kid. You remember that fat kid that made a video of himself that got leaked onto the internet and is now the most viewed viral video of all time with 900 million views, right? Well, if not, here is a remake of the classic. Happy Late Thanksgiving!

Top Ten Comedy Scenes Of All Time...

I decided last night as I lay in bed I would post my top ten funniest momments in cinema. Now, notice these aren't my funniest movies. These are scenes from movies that are funny. The only criteria was they had to leave a good quote. For instance, there is a great scene in the movie "Young Frankenstein" when they are looking for a head and the camera scrolls from one head to the next. Underneath each head is a description with how old each head is, i.e. 20 years dead, 10 years dead, etc. They finally arrive at Egor's head perched upon a shelf. Great scene. Unfortunately, no quote except, "Hello!" which really isn't a quote. It's more of a greeting. So, I want my top ten comedy movie scenes to have the lasting effect of a good quote, and since this is my blog, I can do whatever my wife tells me I can do!

Top Ten Comedy Scenes In Cinematic History
(to be read with a booming, echoing voice)

Number Ten: Happy Gilmore Fights Bob Barker
Bob Barker. The arse-kicking machine.



Number Nine: Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail
When King Arthur encounters the Black Knight. Oh man.



Number Eight: Pink Panter Strikes Again
Inspector Clouseau is checking into a Bravarian hotel. He notices the innkeeper's dog. Sorry, no video, but click here for the audio.

Number Seven: Old School
Blue's funeral. Between an awesome rendition of "Dust in the Wind" to the ending quote of, "Like a real divorce?" this is a great scene. But the most quoteable of all, "You're my boy Blue!" will remain in infamy. All I could find for this one is a newspaper clipping about the actor's untimely death.

Number Six: Super Troopers
Then entire opening scene is fantastic. (Warning: Adult Language Ahead)



Number Five: Dumb and Dumber
Well, how do you narrow this one down...I didn't. My favorite is the moped, but there are so many...



Number Four: Tommy Boy
Once again...How do you choose? Well, I don't think anything has been imitated from this movie as much as...



Number Three: Anchorman
Once again, to pick from these is like trying to pick your favorite kid. But since I'm my mother's favorite I guess I'll have to pick as well. The quality of the clip is bad and not near long enough, but it does encompass the greatest mother quote of all time...



Number Two: Monty Python's The Life of Brian
I know, I know. This movie is blasphemous. But the stoning scene will kill ya anyway, so why not die laughing? The fact that these are men dressed as women dressed as men is just genious. Enjoy and then pray for my soul.



Number One: This is Spinal Tap
The first Rockumentory. I could name six or seven scenes that absolutely crack me up. Okay, I will. When they are on their way to the stage and get lost, when they open up the new albums only to find pure blackness (it's a pastel black), when stonehenge comes out of the ceiling only to be 24" tall, when they are playing the last stop on their tour at an amusement park, Shark Sandwich, the fact that 'Big Bottoms' is an all bass song, and oh so many more. But the scene of all scene's and my number one favorite comedy scene of all time is when Marti Debergi is interviewing Nigel Tufnel and they are talking about his guitars and amps. Makes me cry.



Well, there you go. How'd I do? Tell me your top ten and what you think I left off. You're wrong of course, but you can tell me anyway.

REJOICE!!!!

Kill the fattened calf! Call your friends and neighbors and party! The Son has returned home! The sheep has been found! The coin is no longer lost...well, at least my keys aren't.

That's right, I'm a doufus. I found them exactly where I last put them down, in a little forgotton corner of my office. Wow, I'm an idiot.

Say Goodbye to Older Days...

I can't believe it is the middle of November. It's almost Christmastime (well, according to starbucks and various other retail stores, it already is). Time seems to move faster and faster the older I get. I'm already 27! That's crazytalk.

We bought a new house. We are moving in sometime next month. It's kinda scary because we are renting our old house to some friends, so pretty soon, I'm going to be responsible for a lot of real estate. That's a little scary to me. Okay, that's a lot scary to me.

Things with Beer Church have gone downhill. With being out of town a couple of weeks it's threw everything into a bad cycle. People not knowing if we were going to have it. Other people traveling and what not. I don't know. Maybe it's time we grew up. Who knows.

Well, just thought I would post an update.

Where, Oh Where, Have My Little Keys Gone...

I lost my keys yesterday.

I have no idea where they could be.

It was nearing quitting time yesterday. I stood up, started towards my car, reached in my pockets...and nothing. I thought, "Oh, I probably just left them in my jeep." I get to the jeep...and nothing. Then I thought, "Maybe I left them on my desk." I go back inside my office...and nothing. I searched high and low. I retraced the retracing of my steps. I went into every room I was in yesterday and tore it apart...and nothing.

Nothing.

I am so frustrated I can't even begin to put into words.

I called my wife and after a bit of, "I have no idea how I can be this stupid either..." conversation, she comes and drops off her key to my jeep. I started home and began going over and over and over again where I could've possible set them down, where they might've fallen out, anything that might give me a clue as to where to look when I got in office the next day. I just kept going over and over and over and the frustration continued to build. It was making sick to my stomach. I was longing to have this uneasiness alleviated.

And then I thought of the lamb.

I've lost stuff before, sunglasses, couple bucks here and there, more sunglasses, but I usually gave up on the search after a couple of minutes. But these keys are invaluable to me. Even this morning, before writing, I searched for an hour. And I'll continue to when I finish writing.

Thank God he hasn't stopped searching for me.

You thought your costume was good...

Check this one out...

I Fail...

I do. Oh man do I fail.

In my job I get to talk to a lot of people. Unfortunately, most of the time they are pissed off as they can be. Usually I get to go in and get yelled at, tell them what we are going to do to make them happy, and then try my best to do it. Even if I am successful and finishing the work I told them I would do, they are usually so fed up with my company that the momment the last thing is signed off the door is shut and that's it.

But sometimes, sometimes, I get the good ones. The ones who aren't mad. The ones who love their home and are so excited to be in it.

That sometimes was not today.

But of course, with all bad things, there is a copper lining. I asked the customer if she was a part of a church. She said no, but that she was interested in getting hooked up with one. I told her of a couple of good churches in the area.

Then comes the conversation that I don't know what to do with. It's the "as-long-as-I'm-a-good-person-and-believe-in-God-I'm-okay" conversation. I did my best to say it's all about Jesus. I did my best to say it's about the Holy Spirit leading my life. I did my best to say my life would not be complete without my Saviour.

I did my best.

But I failed. I don't know what success is in that conversation. I don't know if I'm just to be the sower scattering the seeds, hoping some to fall on fertile soil. I don't know if I'm to be the Paul planter, or the Apollo waterer. Too often, I feel I'm the Peter.

You know Peter. Had a chance to stand up for Christ and didn't. Could've cost him his life. Could've cost him deep. Could've, but he missed out. He failed.

I fail too. Oh, do I fail.

Time Keeps on Slipping, Slipping, Slipping...

So I know I've basically turned this into my weekly gem finds on the internet. I wish I had more time to sit and just blog my thoughts, but even as I write this I've taken three breaks to have to deal with issues at work (of course, I am getting paid to work, but that's not the issue). Hopefully one day I'll have the time and the thoughts to start blogging a bit more consistently.

Till that day however, I will continue to share things I come accross that are just too unbelievable unless you see them for yourself. Here is one of such things. Enjoy.

Time to go solo...

One great way to ruin/awesomize a church solo?

Projectile Vomit!!!!!!

This isn't fair...

Have you heard of Nikolai Valuev? He fought his first fight agains some poor chap named Monte "Two Gunz" Barrett. Seems like Monte needed at least three gunz (with a 'z' mind you) if he was going to have a shot at this guy. Valuev stands 7 feet tall. SEVEN FEET. Weighs in at a meeger 328 lbs. That is literally twice my size. This guy is a monster. The picture was not doctored in any way. I think the hairy back is just icing on the cake.

Little Superstar

Seriously, is there nothing sacred anymore? Now even little mexican people can be the star of the internet. The things we exploit...

Whaddayathink?

I just read this quote by a guy named Douglas John Hall:

"If we once have the courage to give up our defense of the old facades which have nothing or very little behind them; if we cease to maintain, in public, the pretense of a universal Christendom; if we stop straining every nerve to get everybody baptized, to get everybody married in church and onto our registers (even when success means only, at bottom, a victory for tradition, custom and ancestry, not for true faith and interior conviction); if, by letting go, we visibly relieve Christianity of the burdensome impression that it accepts responsibility for everything that goes on under this Christian topdressing, the impression that Christianity is sort of Everyman's Religious Varnish, a folk-religion (at the same level as that of folk-costumes)-then we can be free for real missionary adventure and apostolic self confidence..."

There are parts of this I agree with and parts I disagree with. But I know what I think. What do you think?

Which one is the Jackass?

I went with some friends to see Jackass 2 last night. I know, I know, that probably appalls some of you...and I have to admit that I found myself quite uncomfortable with some of the stunts performed in the movie. But, as the Bible says, "all things are yours," so I figure there must be some redeeming qualities about the movie that I can share with you.

....

Nope, it was pretty much useless the entire way through. If you are in the mood to catch yourself vomiting in your mouth a couple of times, then I would suggest the film. If you enjoy male nudity, then check it out. If you are looking for ways to torture captives at Guantanamo Bay, you could probably get some suggestions from this movie. Otherwise, you'll probably be sad you wasted $9.75 on this.

But I loved it.

On Second Thought...

My previous post on the Church has garnered quite a response from my faithful readers (okay, mom and my brother had a lot to say). I guess I just want to reiterate that I love the church. My comments weren't said to bring her down but to raise her up to a higher standard. I feel like Jesus' life was so important, so controversial, so miraculous that if His followers truly believed His gospel message, we would change the world.

Several commentators have asked me what I am doing if I believe this. The first answer is not enough, but more specifically, I've started a church. This was born out of a desire to do church different. I know you hear that from everyone who starts a church and I'm probably as full of hot air as the rest of them, but it non the less is my desire. How am I doing that? Probably not as good as I should.

We have a tiny fellowship. It exists of two couples, two singles, and a married woman who comes sometimes. It's not small purposefully, it just is. We don't have a real formal meeting time. Mostly we meet on Thursdays, but it isn't resigned to only Thursdays (or for that matter, every Thursday). We serve at the homeless shelter a couple of times a month. We have no paid ministers. We are studying the life of Jesus right now, which is a discussion mostly led by me. We do not take the Lord's supper in a traditional sense as of yet, but every month we eat a meal together and thank Jesus for all he has done for us. Someday, I hope this looks different, and I think we'll get there soon. We give our tithes mostly to a shelter for battered women, which is ran by our local rescue mission, but sometimes we also tithe to other churches. We don't have a worship leader, so we go to a local church on Sundays to worship our Father.

I feel like our church is more of a state of being than of belonging or doing. We aren't perfect. And we are different. And I believe what we are doing is different. We aren't there yet. But it's nice to just be a group of people who love Jesus and are living like it.

Dum Dum Dum Dum De Dum, Dum De Dum...

Darth Vader's lesser known, less charismatic, younger brother. Enjoy.

Doing Church...

So I've had this thought swirling around in my head lately. Well, not so much lately as the last three years. I'm not sure I'll be able to articulate it the way I think it in my head, and worse, once I put it out there I'm a bit afraid of the reaction I will recieve. First of all, let me start out by saying I love Jesus very much. I've learned in the past three years to love his church with all my heart. And it's because I love her that I find myself in this place. I know I'm no church expert, but being that I was in one every sunday the first 25 years of my life, I do feel like I have some ground to stand on.

I'm not happy with what I see going on. We've turned the Church into something we do on Sunday. I know this is something the "Blue Like Jazz" generation has been saying for some time now, but what are we doing about it? I hear of new church plants and they all say the same thing. We are finding a new way of doing church. I'm not even sure that's what our world needs.
What if the way we do church is fine. What if some people will get it (there are a large number of growing churches out there, and I would venture to say every major city probably has at least one growing church in it) and some people don't? Not everyone is going to be a Christian right? So maybe we aren't so screwed up...maybe.

But I don't think that's true. I think we are screwed up, but I also think it's because we are asking the wrong questions. I think we are so pre-occupied with a new way of doing church and leave our faith by the wayside. The early church did church in the way they did out of a survival instict. They met daily because they had to encourage one another on a daily basis or deep depression might sink in. Some were being persecuted in a very painful way, so they had to develop these communities of faith for support.

But above all, they were people of faith.

Maybe instead of finding a new way to do church (as if there is this secret formula which will win the masses) what if we need a new way to live our faith? What if we are missing a connection among all christians. That's how the ixthus came to be. Christians would use this as a secret marker identifying the local church. It was a new way to live out their faith in a world hostile to them. Does this world really need a new church meeting in any available school closest to them? Maybe. But what I think this world really needs is the church living out their faith in a new and fresh way. When we figure that out, I think the "doing church" part will take care of itself.

Boom Goes the Dynamite...

Sometimes I spend my day thinking of what I want to blog about later. I'll twirl it around in my noggin, thinking of a creative way to structure my stories. I think about what might be interesting to read or what just might be a word from above for the masses.

This is not that day.

So, in cases like this, I simply turn to my faithful youtube to provide you with some mindless entertainment. Enjoy.

Long Time Gone...

Obviously I've been busy.

August is the third quarter end of my company's fiscal year. What this means in plain english is that August = Hell. But, the good news is no matter how hard my company tries, the sun still comes up and the sun still goes down and eventually August is over. Now that it's month number nine I should be a bit more regular with the blogs. Till then, enjoy this bit of awesomeness...