Things To Be Thankful For...

I spent this last thanksgiving in a very unthanksgiving enviroment. Candice's parents were out of town, so I didn't have anyone to mooch off of. So, we headed to some friends house full of people I didn't know or care to know. We didn't have any Turkey. Yes, that's right, NO TURKEY. We didn't have mashed potatoes, corn, gravy, rolls, or stuffing. We also didn't sit down and say everything we are thankful for. What kind of American Thanksgiving was this? A communist one! Well, I for one won't stand for it! I'm going to say the things I'm thankful for if it's the last thing I do. Or the next thing I do...

1. My Wife
2. My Girlfriends (thats a joke)
3. My Wife's sense of humor that won't kill me for making that joke.
4. Turkey.
5. The Indianapolis Colts.
6. My Friends.
7. Big Screen TVs.
8. Ipods.
9. The new Jeep Wranglers.
10. Jesus Dying on the cross for the forgiveness of my sins (see number 2)
11. The Star Wars Kid.

"The Star Wars Kid"? Yes, the Star Wars Kid. You remember that fat kid that made a video of himself that got leaked onto the internet and is now the most viewed viral video of all time with 900 million views, right? Well, if not, here is a remake of the classic. Happy Late Thanksgiving!


Top Ten Comedy Scenes Of All Time...

I decided last night as I lay in bed I would post my top ten funniest momments in cinema. Now, notice these aren't my funniest movies. These are scenes from movies that are funny. The only criteria was they had to leave a good quote. For instance, there is a great scene in the movie "Young Frankenstein" when they are looking for a head and the camera scrolls from one head to the next. Underneath each head is a description with how old each head is, i.e. 20 years dead, 10 years dead, etc. They finally arrive at Egor's head perched upon a shelf. Great scene. Unfortunately, no quote except, "Hello!" which really isn't a quote. It's more of a greeting. So, I want my top ten comedy movie scenes to have the lasting effect of a good quote, and since this is my blog, I can do whatever my wife tells me I can do!

Top Ten Comedy Scenes In Cinematic History
(to be read with a booming, echoing voice)

Number Ten: Happy Gilmore Fights Bob Barker
Bob Barker. The arse-kicking machine.

Number Nine: Monty Python's Search for the Holy Grail
When King Arthur encounters the Black Knight. Oh man.

Number Eight: Pink Panter Strikes Again
Inspector Clouseau is checking into a Bravarian hotel. He notices the innkeeper's dog. Sorry, no video, but click here for the audio.

Number Seven: Old School
Blue's funeral. Between an awesome rendition of "Dust in the Wind" to the ending quote of, "Like a real divorce?" this is a great scene. But the most quoteable of all, "You're my boy Blue!" will remain in infamy. All I could find for this one is a newspaper clipping about the actor's untimely death.

Number Six: Super Troopers
Then entire opening scene is fantastic. (Warning: Adult Language Ahead)

Number Five: Dumb and Dumber
Well, how do you narrow this one down...I didn't. My favorite is the moped, but there are so many...

Number Four: Tommy Boy
Once again...How do you choose? Well, I don't think anything has been imitated from this movie as much as...

Number Three: Anchorman
Once again, to pick from these is like trying to pick your favorite kid. But since I'm my mother's favorite I guess I'll have to pick as well. The quality of the clip is bad and not near long enough, but it does encompass the greatest mother quote of all time...

Number Two: Monty Python's The Life of Brian
I know, I know. This movie is blasphemous. But the stoning scene will kill ya anyway, so why not die laughing? The fact that these are men dressed as women dressed as men is just genious. Enjoy and then pray for my soul.

Number One: This is Spinal Tap
The first Rockumentory. I could name six or seven scenes that absolutely crack me up. Okay, I will. When they are on their way to the stage and get lost, when they open up the new albums only to find pure blackness (it's a pastel black), when stonehenge comes out of the ceiling only to be 24" tall, when they are playing the last stop on their tour at an amusement park, Shark Sandwich, the fact that 'Big Bottoms' is an all bass song, and oh so many more. But the scene of all scene's and my number one favorite comedy scene of all time is when Marti Debergi is interviewing Nigel Tufnel and they are talking about his guitars and amps. Makes me cry.

Well, there you go. How'd I do? Tell me your top ten and what you think I left off. You're wrong of course, but you can tell me anyway.


Kill the fattened calf! Call your friends and neighbors and party! The Son has returned home! The sheep has been found! The coin is no longer lost...well, at least my keys aren't.

That's right, I'm a doufus. I found them exactly where I last put them down, in a little forgotton corner of my office. Wow, I'm an idiot.


Say Goodbye to Older Days...

I can't believe it is the middle of November. It's almost Christmastime (well, according to starbucks and various other retail stores, it already is). Time seems to move faster and faster the older I get. I'm already 27! That's crazytalk.

We bought a new house. We are moving in sometime next month. It's kinda scary because we are renting our old house to some friends, so pretty soon, I'm going to be responsible for a lot of real estate. That's a little scary to me. Okay, that's a lot scary to me.

Things with Beer Church have gone downhill. With being out of town a couple of weeks it's threw everything into a bad cycle. People not knowing if we were going to have it. Other people traveling and what not. I don't know. Maybe it's time we grew up. Who knows.

Well, just thought I would post an update.


Where, Oh Where, Have My Little Keys Gone...

I lost my keys yesterday.

I have no idea where they could be.

It was nearing quitting time yesterday. I stood up, started towards my car, reached in my pockets...and nothing. I thought, "Oh, I probably just left them in my jeep." I get to the jeep...and nothing. Then I thought, "Maybe I left them on my desk." I go back inside my office...and nothing. I searched high and low. I retraced the retracing of my steps. I went into every room I was in yesterday and tore it apart...and nothing.


I am so frustrated I can't even begin to put into words.

I called my wife and after a bit of, "I have no idea how I can be this stupid either..." conversation, she comes and drops off her key to my jeep. I started home and began going over and over and over again where I could've possible set them down, where they might've fallen out, anything that might give me a clue as to where to look when I got in office the next day. I just kept going over and over and over and the frustration continued to build. It was making sick to my stomach. I was longing to have this uneasiness alleviated.

And then I thought of the lamb.

I've lost stuff before, sunglasses, couple bucks here and there, more sunglasses, but I usually gave up on the search after a couple of minutes. But these keys are invaluable to me. Even this morning, before writing, I searched for an hour. And I'll continue to when I finish writing.

Thank God he hasn't stopped searching for me.