The Cart Whisperer...

The Old Jake...

(The following conversation took place between my wife and I as we watched Kristy Lee Cook perform on "American Idol")

The Girl With The Green Eyes: "I don't like her pants."

Me: "Why not?"

TGWTGE: "They're too shiny"

Me: "But her shirt is shiny..."

TGWTGE: "But her pants are awful. They remind me of something you used to wear."

Totally Useless Skills...

I'm not sure why, but I was thinking today of all the things I can do that serve me absolutely no purpose whatsoever. Let me show you what I mean:

1) Type Fast. Seriously, I have typed this whole blog so far in about 22 seconds. Okay, maybe not that fast, but I do feel like I can type secretary fast. But I'm not a secretary. If it wasn't for this blog, I would have no reason to type anything ever. And even then, I have so much time at work, it could take me a minute to type a word and I'd still have enough time to finish a decent blog in a day. Which is all the more reason that it's sad I don't blog more...

2) Math. I was a genius in High School. Okay, maybe not Einstein level, but still pretty far. I was about two grades ahead of where I should've been. For whatever reason, math concepts always came easily. I remember asking my teachers when we were ever going to use this in the real world. And you know what? I haven't. EVER. Thanks Mrs. Deason. Now English on the other hand...

3) Roller Skating. Like old school, 4 wheels with a stopper on the front. We used to have races at the local skating rink and I'd win a lot. I never was that fast of a runner (something about the whole getting hit by a car when I was 12) but I could skate really fast.

4) Driving fast. Nuff said.

I'm not sure why I can do those things. They really have served me absolutely no purpose whatsoever in my life. I wonder which of these traits I'll pass along to my kids.

Oh, yeah, I'm going to be a dad.

I Completely Stole This...

I was on David Crowder's blog, saw he did this, realized I am bored out of my freaking mind, and thought it would be fun.

Grab your ipod and go to your favorite playlist. Hit random and list the first ten songs that come up. NO CHEATING. Post your list in the comments. Here's mine:

1)November Rain - GNR
2)California - Phantom Planet
3)All My Life - Foo Fighters
4)A Long December - Counting Crows
5)American Women - Lenny Kravitz
6)American Idiot - Green Day
7)Cherry Bomb - John Mellencamp
8)Heart of Gold - Neil Young
9)Panama - Van Halen
10)The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band

Your turn...

What Kind Of Dog Is A Sick Dog?

I am sick. Worn out, headache, vommiting sick. You'll excuse me if I'm absent the next few days. I've got the bottom of some toilets to look at.

I Knew I Was White When I Bought That $6 Cup of Coffee...

Found this great website completely devoted to things white people like. My favorites so far are #68 (divorce), #62 (knowing what's best for poor people), and #59 (natural medicine). It's comical if not convicting.

My Hands...

...have smelled like stinky feet all day. I've washed them a thousand times but I can't shake that smell. Anyone got some orange scented hand sanitizer?

Spring Cleaning...

It's been 70 plus degrees here the last few days. It feels absolutely great to walk outside and not be cold.

We are starting a new small group tonight. Well, not new completely, but newer. It still has our old group members, we are just doubling in size. I'm kind of excited. We will have about 10-12 couples (20-24 people) over here tonight. I'm doing an experiment to see if a larger small group can work. It might turn into a logistical nightmare, or it might succeed. Either way, we're gonna give it a run.

Well, Happy Valentine's Day!

I Like...

...the one about a herniated colon.

Lots To Write About Today...

First of all, Survivor is back. This season is a fan vs. favorite format. Fun! (Spoiler alert!) I was shocked when Johnny Fairplay told everyone to vote for him. I was certain there was some other cockamamie idea up his sleave. But, alas, one of my favorite chracters was booted, probably never to be heard from again. I don't like the Parvati/James duo. Unfortunatly, I don't think James is smart enough to realize how that pigeon holes him. And is that ALL she can do? Seriously, talk about needing some game (get it, cause her only game is her game? No? Okay, I'm a dork).

Secondly, I picked up a book I heard about on my friend Chris' blog. It's called "UNchristian". It's written by the president of the Barna Research Group. It's a very interesting, thought provoking, and convicting read.

Thirdly, to further prove my point, there is a petion being lodged to the comissioner of the NFL to replay the last 1:40 of the Super Bowl. Seriously. You can read the full protest here. But please allow me the pleasure of some highlights of the signatures so far:

38. Dave Rosenthal I can't believe this isn't a big story. I mean, we should be 19-0, but the NFL hates that Pats, so instead we have to go through this the rest of our lives knowing we got gypped.

91. Bradley Whitaker The referees seemed as though they wanted the Patriots to finally lose.

119. Brandon Lathrop Proven That the game was over after eli was tackled, should have been a patriots win, this was a all set up by the nfl as a conspiracy.

109. Andrew Paterson It is obvious that, whether by accident or intent, the clock was kept in the last 1:40 illegally and in such a way that it cost the New England Patriots a fair chance to win the Super Bowl. This is not bitterness talking, I actually believe the outcome would or could have been different. Please, at the very least an acknowledgement or apolgy, if not your ordering of a replay of the game from that point on, even though I realize how much that is to ask.

And my personal favorite:

968. Daniel Duggan I was orinally signer 47. I have since found my dignity and self respect. I formally withdraw signature 47. Oh and this one too.Please don't count me twice. Don't count me once either. Don't count me at all please. Though we did get ripped off 1:40. That kinda sucked. You know? I mean with that extra time and all, we could have won it. In fact we deserved to win. WE WERE CHEATED. We WERE EFFEN CHEATED! THIS SUCKS. THIS REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SUCKS. We should be 19-0 and on top of the world. Man, I hope this petition gets to Mr. Goodell. He can make it right. PLEEEEEASE make this right Roger. Please, Please,Please, Undefeated that's what we should be. Undefeated.


Anywho, last, but certainly not least, I hope you didn't swim for Kokomo High School between the years of 2004-2006. In case you haven't heard, Brian Hindson was arrested for secretly videotaping girls changing in the locker room. Wow. In the last two months, Kokomo (my hometown) has made national headlines for a crook shooting himself in the groin, and a coach making illegal child porn. Way to represent.

So I May Be Late To The Party...

This is really my first year being heavily informed during a political race. I was snooping around on cnn.com, and I came across the delegate count. Now, I understand the delegate process. I get that we are actually a republic and not a true democracy (at least, in the truest sense of the word). It's why someone can win the popular vote but lose and election. I understood that after Bush/Gore/Florida debacle.

But here's what I don't get. In the Democratic party, there are "Superdelegates". These delegates are made up of various ranking Democratic National Committee members. It includes all democratic govenors, senators, and congressmen. It also includes all former democratic Speakers of the House, democratic Senate leaders, former democratic presidents, vice presidents, and other various ranking democratic leaders.

Now, lest you think I am rethinking my new Democratic registration, the Republicans have them too. They just have A LOT less. A lot less.

Well, on the democratic side, these people, these delegates of superhuman power, make up about 20% of the total delegate count at the convention this summer. So in theory, one could win only a third of all the vote, and still be the nominee, if such a person could convince all his/her colleagues to vote for him/her.

So, being that there were 90 people at my caucus and we elected 7 delegates, it took eleven of us to have the strength of one of these 'Super'delegates.

I always knew I was less of a man, but now I know why.

My Dad Has Competition...

There are parts of this video that are boring. Then there are parts of this video that are beautiful and disgusting at the same time. I'll let you be the judge.

Go here.

Because I Can't Help Myself...

Suck it Patriots.

And I Was On A Roll...

To my faithful readers (i.e. Mom)...

Sorry for the break. I know you've been missing your daily dose of stupid videos. I've been without the internet for the past week at work. Talk about boring. But I have been able to finish up seasons three and four of the Sopranos.

This show really intrigues me. It's one of the first TV shows I can think of where you actually root for the bad guy. Even in his twisted way, Tony Soprano embodies a lot of what people want. Respect, power, money, etc. I think it changed a lot about protagonists in our tv era. It opened doors for shows like Dexter where you root for a serial killer.

Anyway, the game yesterday was absolutely fantastic. I don't think you could've asked for a better all-around game (unless of course, you're a patriots fan, in which case, GET OFF MY BLOG!!!!) I'm sure everything that could be said about it will be said by much more savvy bloggers than me, so I'll leave the rest of that to the really clever people.

Well, hope you have a good week and I'm sure I'll be back in no time with videos of people throwing up or random candidates for president. Ta Ta.

UPDATE: Thanks to Ryan for the video and the shoutout