God's Will...

In the movie "Charlie Wilson's War", Philip Seymour Hoffman plays a CIA agent paired with Tom Hanks character (Wilson) to bring down the evil soviets in Afghanistan. At the end of the movie Aaron Sorkin writes in this story:

Hoffman: "A boy is given a horse on his 14th birthday. Everyone in the village says, 'Oh how wonderful.' But a Zen master who lives in the village says, 'We shall see.' The boy falls off the horse and breaks his foot. Everyone in the village says, 'Oh how awful.' The Zen master says, 'We shall see.' The village is thrown into war and all the young men have to go to war. But, because of the broken foot, the boy stays behind. Everyone says, 'Oh, how wonderful.' The Zen master says, 'We shall see.'"

At the end of "No Country For Old Men" Tommy Lee Jones' character is talking with one of his former deputies. He is relating how he's glad to be leaving the force because he didn't necessarily want to die in the line of duty like his father and his grandfather did. At the end of his little speech, the deputy says this:

"Whatcha got ain't nothin new. This country's hard on people, you can't stop what's coming, it ain't all waiting on you. That's vanity."

I say all this to say I've been thinking about the God's will for my life more and more. About what that means. I read "Quiet Strength" by Tony Dungy a couple of weeks ago. In it, he is constantly saying something to the effect of, "I guess it wasn't God's timing" or "I patiently waited for God to open the door".

I used to be on that train. The train that says my every move has been pre-destined so to speak. That God had a perfect will for my life and I was to discern it by any means necessary and charged with the task of not screwing it up.

Lately, I think I've fallen off that train (and no, not because I am currently registered Democrat). I'm not so sure God has this perfect will for me that I am to follow. I hear people say, "I heard God calling me to...(fill in the blank)" Maybe it was a certain job, a location, a ministry. I don't know.

I don't know because I've never heard him that way. He didn't tell me to move to Las Vegas or Denver or back to Vegas. He didn't tell me to marry Candice. He didn't tell me to go into vocational ministry or leave vocational ministry. I would have to say that what I've done in my life I've done because I wanted to.

So as not to sound too selfish there, let me explain. I believe ultimately people do what they want to do. We can say it was for God (and it may very well be), we can say it's for financial security, we can say it's for a lot of things, but ultimately, it's what we want to do. Do we want to do it because we think it's God's will? Sure, sometimes. But I married Candice because I wanted to. I worked at a church because I wanted to. I don't now because I don't want to.

The quote from "No Country" is really what has me thinking. To think that God has this perfect will for everyone on the planet I think is a little vain. I think more God has a perfect will, and it's up to us to fit ourselves into it. But I don't think it has anything to do with where we live or what we do for a living. I think it has to do with being obedient in our hearts and with our lives.

I have a saying that I passed along to my co-workers. "It is what it is". I know it didn't originate with me, but I came about it through my own accord none-the-less. Life is life and what will happen will happen. The thing we think is great one day is not so great the next.

When Dan Gable lost his unbeaten record the final match of his college wrestling career, it changed him. He became even more focused and ended with that one loss as the only blemish on his record. He became the most successful coach in NCAA history. Since then, he has said this:

"If I could figure out how I could have gone back and saved Diane, and how I could have gone back and not had that loss in that tournament, and still gone on to be the same person I am today, that would be perfect." (His sister Diane had been murdered when he was in high school)

But the truth is, he can't. And if he could, there's a great chance he wouldn't be the person he is today.

The more I think about it, the more I like "No Country For Old Men." I like the thought of fate. It's more freeing than restricting. Like I can't screw it up.

Proverbs says:

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

and

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

God has a will that's bigger than my life. It stretches from the beginning of time to the end of it. My story will someday have an end. I will die and be buried. But if I make myself a part of the larger story of God, my story will never end. Not because of God's will for me, but because of God's will, and my willingness to get lost in it.