The Anonymous Human

ECHO...echo....echo...echo....

2009-02-16T11:24:00.000-08:00

It's me.

I've been thinking. I think I'm done with this blog. Maybe not this blogging thing, but I think that this one has run it's course.

It's dated.

Anyway, I'll let you know if I get something else going. If not, well then, I guess this is goodbye.

Sorry mom, you'll just have to call for updates for now.

I'm Pretty Sure...

2009-01-17T18:01:00.001-08:00

...that if a director tells you to show up for your hard rock video in khakis and a polo, then you need to find yourself a new director.

Four Score and Seven Years Ago...

2009-01-12T10:59:00.000-08:00

This has the potential to be a long story with a very small payoff. However, it was the funniest thing to happen to me this weekend, so I thought I would share.

On Saturday, the girl with the green eyes and I went to a baby shower for some friends of ours. It was as good as a baby shower can be I guess (the guys escaped upstairs to watch the game and play poker, so I still have absolutely no clue what happens at a baby shower).

There were several people there that we had never met before, so Candice did her job of working the room and I grabbed a sandwich and hit the corner of the couch giving off the ever so friendly "don't bother me" vibe. Which worked.

One couple had brought their 2 year old son and he quickly became the life of the party. Partly because he would jump of the couch onto the oversized ottoman, doing as many summersaults along the way as he could, and partly because the kid is a whiz kid.

I'm not kidding. He could name the states in alphabetical order. He knew the pre-amble to the constitution. He could name all of our presidents in order. It was amazing. Did I mention he was 2?

Later on, we had dinner at my inlaws house with my sister-in-law (Stefanie) and her soon-to-be-deployed marine boyfriend. We were discussing the wunderkid and this was the conversation.

Me:...yeah, this kid was amazing. He knew the presidents, the pre-amble....He even knew the Gettysburg Address!

Stefanie: That's not that impressive. Everyone knows that at some point. I know it.

Me: You know the Gettysburg Address?

Stef: Yeah, everybody does. It's like something something Pennsylvania Avenue.

Me: (falling on the floor laughing)

End Scene.

Real Teams Can Gain Two Yards...

2009-01-04T14:02:00.000-08:00

Doyle Brunson, the famed poker player, is known to say the worst day of the year is the day you get knocked out of the main event at the World Series of Poker. I agree with the sentiment but disagree on the day. No, for me, the worst day of the year is when my beloved Colts are knocked out of title contention. All in all, I can't complain too much as they gave me a better year than I was expecting 7 weeks into the season. I was able to see them live twice and they won both times (though I would've traded the San Diego victory I witnessed for one yesterday!)

My biggest disappoinment isn't in our defense. It isn't even in the horrible, horrible, horrible (did I mention horrible?) penalty for defensive holding that gift wrapped the victory for the Chargers. No, my number 1 disappoinment is that we had a third and 2 with 2:00 left on the clock. Two yards and we seal a 14 - 17 victory. Two yards.

I understand our bread and butter. I get that we are a pass first, second and third and run fourth kind of team. I get it. But to clear the backfield when all you need is two measly yards. Six feet. No play action? No QB sneak? No "give it all you got for the playoffs" push from the front five?

Nope.

Well, that's what you get when you live by the pass. Sometimes you get sacked.

Thanks for the season, my little horses. I'll be there next year. Maybe this time we will beat those bolts when it counts.

Top Ten Sports Moments of 2008

2008-12-22T14:21:00.000-08:00

So I was talking to my wife about all the great NFL matchups both this past weekend and it got me thinking, "Man, I am a really good looking guy." It also had me thinking, "Man, I can't believe what a REALLY good looking guy I am."

So after thinking that, I decided to post my top ten favorite sports moments of 2008. You'll find that most of these are American moments (i.e. No soccer events) but that's because that's what I watch. If you want objectivity, go somewhere else. This blog is all about me. But let's be honest, that's why you are reading it anyway.

So here we go:

#10 - Roger Clemen's Testifying in Washington

I know what you are thinking, and yes, I will be happy to let you name your first born son after me. But the other thing your thinking is, "Jake, your starting a top ten list about sports with something that happened in Congress?" Yes I do. This was a sad reminder of the state of our professional sports era. Our demand for "Higher, Stronger, Faster," turned into "How rediculous can we get these freaks to look?". I am not proud that this was a top ten moment, but I think it's sobering and is something we can learn from.

#9 - Game 5 of the Stanly Cup

I know the NHL is the red-headed step child of professional sports. And I'm certain that it barely beats the MLS on the "Professional sport I would most like to wipe my butt with" list. But the truth is, this was a great, great game. Pittsburg was down one goal with less than 45 seconds on the clock. They pull their golie and score to send the game into overtime. With no one scoring, the game went into TRIPLE OVERTIME until Petr Sykora scored on a slapshot 9:57 into the third extra session to give the Penguins a 4-3 victory over the Detroit Red Wings. People who don't watch hockey were talking about that game the next day.

#8 - Game 4 of the NBA finals

At one point, the Celtics were down 24 points. It seemed all but certain Kobe was gaining the momentum to win the Laker's first championship since dealing off The Diesel. Winning this would put them up 3 games to 1 and send the series back to LA for at least two more times to try and finish off the Celtics. But a jumpshot by Eddie House with just over 4 minutes gave Boston it's first lead of the game. Ray Allen's reverse lay up seals the win and the Celtics go on to take the next two for their first title in 22 years. I say, they lose this game, they lose the title.

#7 - Big Brown Wins The Preakness

I know there are a lot of people who are vocal against horse racing, my wife included. But I love it. The beauty of these huge, powerful animals giving everything they've got captivates me. We haven't had a triple crown winner in 30 years, but lately we've had some good runs (the last being Smarty Jones in 2004). Big Brown laid a big brown at Belmont, but this race got people excited for a possible triple crown and made us all forget about the Kentucky Derby tragedy with Eight Belles.

#6 - Usain Bolt's 100 Meter Domination

(editor's note: NBC has made getting ANY media of this event impossible)

9.69 seconds. Enough said.

#5 - Tiger Woods Vs. Rocco Mediate in US Open.

Maybe it was the putt to send it to a playoff. Maybe it was the fact that after an 18 hole playoff, they were still tied. Maybe it was the fact that Tiger looked like an old war vet hobbeling up and down the fairways. Maybe it was the fact he was playing one of the most likeable players on the tour, who, two weeks earlier, had to win a playoff just to qualify for the US Open. Whatever it was, this year's US Open was one for the books. After it was all said and done, even Tiger said it was the best ever.

#4 - NCAA Championship Game

Anytime a championship goes into overtime, you can rest assured it's a good one. And when you have to sink a long jumper as time expires to get it there, you want to savor that flavor. The entire tournament was full of excitement, culminating with the top seeds in each bracket making it to the final four for the first time ever! It was certianly March Madness.

(P.S. Hey Memphis....Practice your free throws!)

#3 - Michael Phelps Out Touches Milorad Cavic

I love the Olympics. Two weeks dedicated to all sorts of competition. And while there were some other great stories (All the volleyball teams, the 'Redeem Team', that old gymnastics chick with the sick kid), Michael Phelps catapulted himself into the discussion of the greatest Olympian of all time. After the race, debates raged with "Did he really win?" or "Does it matter who touches first or who sets off the timer first" or "Is Chloe Keck the cutest baby ever?" and what was great is after the race, thanks to the underwater cameras it was clear, he really won. That extra stroke that he took and that Cavic didn't take cost Cavic everything and gave Phelps everything.

#2 - The Wimbledon Finale

You have to put the extra 'e' on it because it's in Englande. This was an epic for the ages. Two warriors refusing to give up. Two titans of the sport, dueling for supremacy. Whatever. I mean, it still is just tennis. But, the truth is, this was the best tennis match I've ever seen, even if I had to watch it on DVR (which, come to think of it, is probably why it was the best match ever...). These two guys will go down as two of the greatest ever and this will be their greatest match.

#1 - The Throw

I could just say this is number one because the Patriots laid an egg. But to do so would be to cut the Giants short on what they accomplished. Not even the Colts could do what little brother and the football giants were able to accomplish. They beat the Patriots. And this play will go down as one of the best ever in a Super Bowl, which, if you are going to have a play go down as the best ever, it'd be hard to find a better platform than the Super Bowl with something like 8 billion people and aliens watching.

There you go, the top ten sports moments from your's truly.

You're welcome.

It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas...

2008-12-19T13:27:00.001-08:00

As many of you have probably heard, we had quite the snow storm on Wednesday night. So much so, that the girl with the green eyes had a snow day! First time in about 30 years that Las Vegas has had a snow day. Insane!

Seeing the snow made me all the more excited for my trip home in a couple of weeks. I'm really excited to see both sets of grandparents which means Chloe will see her greatgrandparents for the first time ever. As a side note, Chloe has a Greatgreatgrandma that is still alive. She is 108 years old.

Anywho, all this white stuff has me in the Christmas mood. Probably the thing I love most about Christmas time is the music. Some of my favorite memories are sitting in the pew at my church listening to the old ladies sing the wonderful christmas songs. So, in honor of my fellow blogger Dustin and his endless supply of top ten lists, I am listing my top ten favorite christmas songs of all time.

Now, I'm not saying that these are the top ten best christmas songs. I'm saying MY top ten favorite songs. Why? So that there is no debate. This is my blog and I make the rules.

#10 - Go, Tell It On The Mountain

When I was a kid, I loved this song, but we never sang it at church. I remember telling my mom that I loved this song but we never sing it. She said she would see what she could do about it. The next sunday we sang it. I guess that's the kinda pull you got when you're sleeping with the preacher...

#9 - White Christmas

I know this isn't a religious song, but this is one of those songs you like to sing in the shower like Elvis.

#8 - Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer

I know this is a very childish song, but remember when you were a kid and would sing it and add all those other parts ("like monopoly")? Good memories.

#7 - The Christmas Song

I mean, come on! It's The Christmas Song! Plus, whenever I hear it I think about...

"Chestnuts roasting...
"COLLINS!"
"I'm downstairs"
"HEY"
"Roger picked up the phone?"
"No it's me!"
"Throw down the key!"
"A wild night is now pre-ordained..."

(If you don't follow, get a little more culture...)

#6 - All I Want For Christmas

This song always makes me think of the movie Love Actually. A lot of people don't like this movie, or don't consider it a christmas movie, but I do. And like I said, on this blog, I make the rules.

#5 - Breath of Heaven (Mary's Song)

I especially like Jessica Simpson's version of this. A very dynamic and powerful song.

#4 - Mary, Did You Know?

There was a version of this song done by Micheal English that I try to impersonate everytime I sing it. My favorite line of this song is:

"Mary did you know that your baby boy has walked where angel's trod?
And when you kissed your little baby, you kissed the face of God?"

#3 - I'll be Home For Christmas

Everyone wants to be home for christmas. Wherever home is.

#2 - Hark the Herold Angels Sing

My second favorite lyrics of the christmas season:

"Hail, the heav'n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Sun of Righteousness!
Light and life to all He brings,
Ris'n with healing in His wings.
Mild he lays His glory by.
Born that man no more may die.
Born to raise the sons of earth,
Born to give them second birth."

#1 - O Holy Night.

By far my favorite christmas song. The vocal range necessary to sing this one correctly automatically eliminates 95% of people from singing this song. I have a favorite christmas memory that involves my grandma singing this song with her powerful voice in a tiny little church in Michigan. I will remember that for the rest of my life. My favorite line:

"Long lay the world, in sin and error pining,
Till He appeared, and the soul felt its worth."

Do you have any favorites I've left off this list?

SUPER SEXY UPDATE: I may have a new favorite

Who Throws A Shoe? Honestly...

2008-12-14T23:43:00.001-08:00

In case you've been in a cave the last 24 hours...

If You Weren't In The Holiday Spirit Yet...

2008-12-13T14:23:00.000-08:00

You now will be.

I Am Not Making This Up...

2008-12-10T08:35:00.001-08:00

This is what happens when people like me grow up and get real jobs. Jobs like "Boss" and "Manager". And "Graphic Design". And by "Graphic" I mean "GRAPHIC". Check out the new logo for the newest single A team in the minor leagues, the 'Winston-Salem Dash'

Remind you of anything?

(Yes, I understand I have the humor of an eighth grade boy. Yes, I am okay with that)

Prepare To Have Your Mind Blown...

2008-12-04T12:27:00.000-08:00

Watch this...

So, let's recap what we've learned here. There is an animal that can snap his claws together so fast, it creates a sonic boom that gets hotter than the surface of the sun and paralyzes it's prey. Looks like I'll be staying out of the ocean for a while.

Well, Now That That's Settled...

2008-12-01T12:39:00.000-08:00

(The following was taken directly from the BCS website, provided to explain how the BCS rankings are determined. Just in case you were wondering.)

The Harris Interactive Poll, USA Today Coaches Poll and computer rankings each comprise one-third of the BCS Standings. To derive the three percentages, each team is assigned an inverse point total (25 for No. 1, 24 for No. 2, etc.) The two poll percentages are calculated by dividing each team’s point total by a maximum 2825 possible points (Harris) and 1525 possible points (USA Today). The computer rankings percentage is calculated by dropping the highest and lowest ranking for each team and
then dividing the remaining total by 100 (the maximum possible points). The BCS Average is calculated by averaging the percentage totals of the Harris Interactive Poll, USA Today Poll, and computer rankings. The teams’ BCS Averages are ranked to produce the BCS Standings. The six computer ranking providers are Anderson &
Hester, Richard Billingsley, Colley Matrix, Kenneth Massey, Jeff Sagarin and Peter Wolfe. Each computer ranking provider accounts for schedule strength within its
formula.

9 Months Later...

2008-11-13T15:30:00.001-08:00

I just got this forward, but since I don't like to pass on forwards, I thought I would just post it:

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob, so they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' said Bob.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'

The Perfect Kitty...

2008-11-07T14:28:00.001-08:00

I don't like cats. They are moody like women and make my eyes itch. However, that doesn't mean I don't enjoy a good cat video every now and again.

Last Political Post, I Promise...

2008-11-04T23:00:00.000-08:00

It's over.

Freakin finally. I am sick and tired of the ads. I'm sick and tired of the phone calls. I'm sick and tired of feeling like I'm fighting with my friends.

Couple of thoughts:

-I'm glad that the first president my daughter will know is black. I think it's cool that she'll grow up in a different world of race relations.

-I thought Obama's puppy comment was funny/cute.

-How in the world does his grandma pass away the day before the election? How? Very weird.

-On facebook, I've read a variety of comments about people who are now scared out of their mind. I remember feeling that way after Clinton won. I was also 12 years old.

-When you think about Obama's story, it's pretty amazing. Truly, we live in the greatest country in the world.

-I'm not excited about everything that Obama is going to do. But I am excited.

-Since I've been able to vote, I'm 3 for 3. I'm just saying...

Good night all. God bless. God bless America.

Don't Censor Me...

2008-10-28T00:23:00.000-07:00

Cause I'll do it myself thank you very much.

I wrote a post responding to the last comments Ryan left regarding abortion. I attempted to use some tongue-in-cheek humor, but it apparently didn't work. So, I pulled it. I don't like to censor myself very often, but I'll do it on occassion. I will probably post something better written that attempts to express what I was trying to say, but I'll do it sometime when it isn't 12:25 in the morning. If you happen to have read the blog, feel free to comment anyway.

I'll be back...

It's Like He's Not Even Trying Anymore...

2008-10-23T23:28:00.000-07:00

That's How You Debate...

2008-10-16T08:25:00.000-07:00

Look, by now it's no secret I'm an Obama man. So, it won't be a shocker when I say that Obama hit it out of the park last night. John McCain looked like a desperate kid angry that life isn't fair. Well, in the words of my Dad, "Life isn't fair! Get over it!"

Obama's ideas are just better. His composure is more presidential. When it came to explaining his health care package, McCain had no recourse but to use his memorized attack right after Obama was very articulate as to what his plan actually was and what it wasn't. He just looked foolish. He couldn't think on his feet. He couldn't articulate his ideas (he even called Obama "Senator Government" at one point. By accident.) He looked frustrated and annoyed. At one point, I literally felt like I could see McCain saying in his head, "Man, I wish that was my plan. That sounds better than my plan."

If we want to get into the issues as to why I'm an Obama man, we can, and I'm more than happy to do that. But you'd have to at least agree that last night, one guy looked ready to lead the country, and one guy looked like someone had just stolen his favorite toy.

Christ runs for 232 yards in Catholic victory...

2008-10-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

Well.....what did you expect?

What's Your Return Policy On Doves?

2008-10-13T12:09:00.001-07:00

Because I've Always Lacked That Filter...

2008-10-10T11:15:00.001-07:00

X Watch Might Not Let You See This...

2008-10-07T14:55:00.000-07:00

I was reading an article about the economy by Jim Cramer when I came accross this article. I thought it was really good. I thought it was a different perspective on the realities of porn in our culture. This might be a bit graphic in nature, but honest.

Check it out.

What do you think?

In My Absence...

2008-10-06T12:30:00.000-07:00

I know that I've been extremely absent lately. Just too much going on to blog. In keeping with my lulls, I have found the ultimate video. Someone compiled 35 minutes of ever crash, nut shot, sucker punch, fire mishap, drunk backflips, etc, that I've ever seen. So, for now, this will have to keep you entertained. Till later...

The ULTIMATE COMPILATION!!!
by phillyblacklite

New List...

2008-09-21T16:20:00.000-07:00

Things I used to do before I had a kid that I no longer do:
1. Sleep
2. Blog

Sometimes, I Just Can't Help Myself...

2008-09-16T09:04:00.001-07:00

"ZAP!"

And The Gift Goes On...

2008-09-03T16:03:00.000-07:00

Wow.

What a week.

Today, Chloe Mae Keck is exactly 1 week old. I've been quite overwhelmed with everything that has happened in the last week, let alone the weeks leading up to her birth. They say everything will change, but until it happens, you don't know what that means. Now I know, and I have no way to descibe it other than the best thing I've ever done.

I've written before about my thoughts on God's will. Despite my lack of faith, and though I won't say I saw God's will, I can certainly say I felt His hand and saw His providence. Let me fill you in on the details a bit:

On August 13th, the girl with the green eyes went in for a normal doc appointment. We were getting close to the final month, so these would become more and more frequent. Everything was going fine until the very end, the doc said, "Ya know, I just can't tell for sure if the baby's head is down. I want you to have an ultrasound before you leave just to make sure."

So, we head down the hall and wait for the ultrasound tech. She finally has an opening and goes to work. Sure enough, the baby's head is down, but the tech says she wants to check a few more things. Then she says she needs to show something to the doctor. Turns out, the amniotic fluid is low. They tells us we need to see a specialist.

That Friday, we go to the specialist. They confirm the earlier diagnosis. Low fluid. The order Candice to bedrest and to drink as much water as a human can possible imbibe. Turns out it's about 2 gallons. So, after doing nothing but peeing for 24 hours, we head to the hospital to get checked again. A doctor we've never met checks her again and says everything is fine. We are a bit skeptical. So, we decide to go back to the specialists on Monday. They check her again and unknown doc was wrong.

She's a quart low.

Same prognosis. Bedrest and water and come back in 48 hours.

That Wednesday, August 20th, when we headed out to the doctor's appointment, we had no idea that we wouldn't come back home without a baby. They did the same check ups and despite drinking the equivilant of Lake Mead, there was no change to her fluid level. We told the ultrasound tech that Candice had also had a harder time doing the "kick counts" (how long it takes the baby to kick inside the stomach). She goes to get our specialist doctor. He says, "Well, take it easy and we'll see you in 48 hours." Then the tech decides to chip in and say, "Oh, by the way, her kick counts are taking longer." The doctor leaves the room for a bit then comes back to tell us to head straight to the hospital for 24 hour monitoring.

Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.

Once at the hospital, they monitored her. And monitored her. And did it some more. And a few more times. And a little longer. Nothing was happening. Low fluid but baby was fine. Finally, they said, "you know what, you are full term, let's just induce and get that sucker out of there."

So, at 9 am on Tuesday August 26th, they began the induction. Everything was going fine. The first go round lasts 12 hours and then they put in the "pushing" medicine.

I had decided that during the 12 hours I would try to get some work done. I finished up about 1 and started to head back to the hospital. I was kinda hungry since I hadn't eaten all day. But, instead of stopping to get something to eat, I decided to head to the hospital first, just to make sure everything was okay.

As I walked into the room, I was followed by two nurses. I walked in to see two other nurses staring at the monitoring maching.

"Maybe the machine's broke," one says.

"Or it's registering it twice," the other says.

I look at the baby's heart rate and it's off the charts. A safe heartbeat for a baby is anywhere between 120-180 bpm. Chloe's was 250-260. Not good.

"Turn it off and turn it back on," chimes in one of the nurses that followed me in.

The ol' Nintendo trick. Doesn't work.

They get an ultrasound in there to confirm what the machine was saying. Yup, my baby's heart was in hyperdrive.

"Who's your doctor?" they ask us.

"Our primary is Tyre and our specialist is Bolnick." Candice says.

"Hang on." They say.

Turns out, our specialist doctor, was next door. I don't mean like in the medical office next to the hospital, I mean he was in the room next door checking on another patient of the specialist clinic. They grabbed him and he came in and took a look.

"Let's go get her," He says.

That was at 1:30 pm. Chloe was born at 2:00 pm. It was fast.

So, if our original doctor hadn't thought to check for the baby's head position, we wouldn't have found out about her low fluid. If the tech hadn't mentioned her long kick counts, we wouldn't have went to the hospital. If we wouldn't have been monitored, we wouldn't have known about her heart rate. If Dr. Bolnick wasn't next door, I don't want to think about what would've happened.

Yes, I believe in God and in His providence.

We did good.

The Adventure Begins...

2008-08-29T09:41:00.000-07:00

(I wrote the following blog the night we found out I had knocked up the girl with the green eyes. I saved it to my other blog because I couldn't post it here quite yet. But I had to do something. So, here is the first blog in the life of my baby.)

It's Monday, January 21st.

It's 10:53 pm and though I didn't get much sleep last night, I'm wide awake.

The girl with the green eyes expected two words, but somehow, I knew there would only be one. One little word that will forever change my life.

Pregnant.

I don't believe I will ever forget that moment. She peed into a cup and then I dipped the little stick in. She had wanted to take it by herself earlier in the day, but I wouldn't let her. For once, I'm glad she listened to me. We both crouched over the counter in our spare bath and watched a little hourglass blink. The package said it would take three minutes, but she must be REALLY knocked up because it seemed to only be about thirty seconds.

It cut her off mid-sentence, as if to say there is nothing you will ever say again that will be more important than me.

Pregnant.

We hugged. We kissed and said I love you. We took a couple pictures with the test.

Pregnant.

Then, in a surprising moment of spiritual clarity, I grabbed the girl with the green eyes' hand and we knelt at the end of our bed.

I told God he could have it.

I praised Him for His generosity. I wept at His mercy. I laughed at His timing.

The thing is probably about the size of my pinky and I'm already envisioning the people he will lead or the beauty she will display.

This is my child.

And that is why I lie awake on an otherwise ordinary Monday night.

Because nothing will ever be ordinary again.

I Smell Stork Poop...

2008-08-24T18:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, the time is almost here. As far as the plan goes, they will induce the girl with the green eyes on Tuesday. Sometime, in the hours of pain after that, my little girl will be born. As I am quickly learning, things change fast, so if it does, I probably won't be able to blog to let you know. All I know is that every moment that passes I get closer to seeing her and I can't wait!!!!

The Henderson's Are Gonna Be Pissed...

2008-08-14T22:01:00.000-07:00

Click here.

What A Day...

2008-08-14T17:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, we had a regularly scheduled Dr. appointment. At the very end, on a whim, the good doc said, "Ya know, I can't tell if the baby is head down yet. Why don't you have an ultrasound to make sure."

We go down the hall and wait for the ultrasound tech. Soon enough, Candice's belly is covered with goo and we see, sure enough, the baby's head is...well, making like a baby and heading out. All's good right?

Well, not quite. The tech says she wants to get a reading on the fluid surrounding the baby. Seems like there should be more than there is. She moves the magic wand all over my wife's blossoming belly and clicks on the computer a couple of times. She says, "Let me go talk to the doctor for a minute."

Never a good sign.

She comes back and says that her ussumptions were correct. Candice's fluids are about half of what they should be. She tells us we need to head to a specialist to see what is up.

So, this morning we go to a paranatal specialist and get checked out. Turns out my wife's fluids aren't just low, they are dangerously low. Like, we almost went to the hospital today and had a kid low. They told her to drink water today like there's no tomorrow and see if that helps. If not, they'll probably put her in the hospital and monitor her this weekend. We have to go back and get an update tomorrow afternoon and we'll know more.

All this, and my very first house as an independent real estate agent closed today. What a weird mix of emotions. A little success mixed with a lot of fear and anticipation. Who knows, I might become a daddy this week!

The really good news is that the baby is nice and heathly. She is just shy of 6 lbs and is right where she should be growth wise. Her lungs aren't 100% developed, so we really want her to stay in the cooker for another week or so, but if she decides she's ready, modern technology should be able to help her out for the first week or so.

We'll could use any prayers you got, but overall, I'm just overwhelmed with the emotion that everything is suddenly so close. I thought I had like 3-4 weeks and I may not even have 24 hours. I'll keep you posted.

Great Article...

2008-08-05T09:37:00.000-07:00

My fellow blogger Dustin posted a great article his lead pastor wrote about multi-venue churches. You can read the article here.

My mom and I were just talking about this issue yesterday. I'm all for new and inventive ways of sharing the gospel. I'm all for church planting. But something has always rubbed me wrong about the multi-site video venue.

There is a church in town that does it and I was speaking with one of the pastors who works there a couple of months ago. He was lamenting how they were having a difficult time getting people to want to be involved. It struck me as odd that they hadn't thought of this before. I would think that would be one of the first things you would plan on when you invite people into a room to watch tv.

I really like the attitude of the pastor and that the whole point of this church thing isn't to create a following, but to create a community of people building one another up.

Is there anyone out there at a wildly successful video venue site? What challenges did you have to overcome? Is it still the way that you would decide to go?

The Sound Air Makes Leaving Your Mouth...

2008-07-28T16:22:00.000-07:00

Hey.

I could do the normal, "Sorry it's been awhile" thing, but the truth is, I haven't thought about blogging in a long time. How long? Well, since I last posted I guess.

The problem is, I have so much on my mind that blogging doesn't even crack the top ten list of things to do. It barely cracks the top 50.

What's on my mind? Glad you asked

1)Money. Cash. Moolah. Duckets. Benjamins. I need some. I've done a lot of work for a production company as a freelance tech and apparently they are running into money problems. I'm 90 days out on my furthest job and still no money. And we're not talking a few hundred bucks. Like many thousands of dollars. Thousands of dollars I could use to pay for things like my house and my a/c bill. I currently have 4 properties in escrow, but only one that will close this month. It's starting to get clinch the butthole tight around here.

2)I'm going to be a dad in about 7 weeks. Probably sooner. Why does that freak me out? See number 1. Seriously though, I'm going to be responsible for this fragile little life. Not just the providing either. How do you dicipline it and love it and form it into a contributing member of society? How do I introduce her to Jesus? What will I do if she's a patriot's fan? I'd feel really bad making her sleep outside, but hey, that's why patriot fans deserve.

3) I've never in my life felt like my lack of education held me back. When I worked at a church I always felt like what I produced outweighed any of that. And frankly it did. But I'm not in that world anymore. I love doing real estate. If I could pay all my bills without pulling a few thousand out of savings every month, I'd do it forever. But the truth is, it's not getting it done. I'm thinking I'm going to have to find something else. Not sure what though.

4) My walk with Christ has become very complacent. It's rare that I read my Bible. Like once in the last month rare. Even when I was working at Lennar I could always find time to read while I was at work. Now, it seems my life is so task filled I just try to get through as many tasks as I can and that one never seems to be on the top of the list. I was sitting with my good friend John Lee at my hockey game yesterday. I was telling him some of my anxieties with life. I mentioned how I don't necessarily have a lot of clients after the ones I'm dealing with right now and he said, "You know who's in control of that right?" And I replied, "Yeah, me. I just need to work harder." He said, "No, God's in control." It made me sad that I didn't even consider the possibility of that. I've blogged about God's will for our life before, but I think I forget how to have faith sometimes.

Well, that's why I don't blog much anymore. I hope it gets better, but it may not, but at least if it doesn't, you'll see this at the top and remember why you aren't getting your weekly dose of stupid videos and uneducated guesses.

Which Batman Character Are You?...

2008-07-23T09:07:00.001-07:00

I'm the Joker. Not sure what that says about me...

Find out Which Batman Character Are You at LiquidGeneration.com!

And on the Seventh Day...

2008-07-16T19:31:00.000-07:00

There are only two days a year where there are no professional basketball, football, baseball, or hockey games played. Today is one of those days. Can you guess the other?

63 Days!!!!!

2008-07-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't believe that's all the time that's left. When we found out the date in late February it seemed like such a long time away. Now it's getting closer and closer. The room is almost ready. I have just a little bit of work before the big day arrives, but soon it'll be finished and I can just relax and wait.

So exciting. It's all so new and fresh. Anything can happen and the possiblities of joy and excitement are almost too much for my imagination to handle.

63 short days. That's all. It'll be here before I even know it. Then everything else in life will seem to fade for awhile.

Colts vs. Bears. September 7th. A new season.

Oh, and the baby will be here sometime after that.

Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?

2008-06-26T11:07:00.000-07:00

I do! I do!

So that is why yesterday, at 3:45 am, my alarm went off and I got up. No, this wasn't a drill for my rapidly approaching future of changing diapers and early morning feedings. This was a chance to change my life.

"Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" was auditioning people in Las Vegas and my friends Tyler and Kristee had invited me to go with them. So I met them at 4:30 in a parking lot and together we drove to an obscure casino in the north end of town.

After parking, we venture in to find only about a hundred or so people in line. Later on I found out that someone started the line at 6:30 pm the night before. Let it be known to the world that the person who did this has no life.

On a funny side note, the line ran in front of the entrance to the buffet. When we got in line, unbeknownst to us, we were the last ones they were gonna allow before the cut off the line and started it again further on up the aisle after the buffet. I can't tell you how many people showed up and thought we were the end of the line (to their credit, there were no signs or anything, just a security guard in charge of directing them back to the real line). What made it funny was that two or three times, two people would simulteaneously join the line. The gaurd would speak to them and only one of them would turn around. Meanwhile, the second fellow would stand there as if he couldn't hear the obvious explanation that this wasn't the back of the line and they would have to move. After the first guy would leave to join the real back of the line, the gaurd would have to get the second guy's attention, who was only a foot and a half away the first time the gaurd explained what was going on, and he would act like he had no idea. Cracked me up everytime.

As we are waiting there, they hand us a magnet with a number written on the back and the show's logo on the front. This is our admission ticket and our identification. They finally opened the doors and we head into a nightclub where they had set up chairs for the testing. We file in one by one and they pass out the tests. The first test was for a movie trivia week they are gonna do. They give you 10 minutes to fill out 30 questions.

As they were explaining the process, I quickly glanced around. Being my Mamaw's grandchild, the though passed through my head, "If I get in trouble, who can I cheat off of?" (warning: the following contains gross stereotypes that do not necessarily reflect my actual feelings) I looked to the guy on my right. He had one tooth. I was not going to cheat off of him. Kristee was sitting to my left. She graduated from a bible college. Prolly not going to be much help either. The person up to my left was kinda brainy, but once it started I noticed he was very concerned with someone cheating off him, as he covered his paper very well (DANG HIM!!!). The guy in front of me was really fat and I couldn't see over him. The lady up to my right struck me as the mother of four kids and living off of welfare.

"Hmmm..." I thought to myself. "Gonna have to go it alone Keck..."

The testing began. Some questions were very easy ("What's the first rule of 'Fight Club'") and some were very hard. So hard, I can't even remember them. Like, some film was created as an ode to this 1950's director. Name the director. I'm pretty sure I missed that one. But overall, I thought I did pretty well.

After the movie test was over, they passed out the general knowlege test. Once again, it ranged from easy to difficult, much like the show. I felt pretty confident on that one too. They were all scantron style of testing so I knew we would have the results pretty quick. We passed in the answer forms and tests and they fielded some questions as we waited on the results. Then they passed out T-shirts. This proved to be a very bad idea. They didn't have enough t-shirts for everyone so they just kind of generally threw them out to the crowd. You won't believe how much grown men and women will fight for a stupid t-shirt. I thought the guy in front of me was gonna take down a lady for it. Man he wanted that shirt. I felt like telling him he could just go to goodwill in about a month and pick one up.

Well, they interupt the questions to let us know the results are in. They'll read the passing numbers and those people are supposed to just stick around. Everyone else was free to go and fight for t-shirts in the parking lot. First they'll read the people who passed both the movie test and the general test. They read three numbers.

Those people are smart.

Then they read the people who had just passed the movie test. I thought I might be able to get on with that one. They read 6 numbers.

None were mine.

I'm starting to sense there is only a very small window of people who passed. So, I gave up, now knowing the standards must be pretty high. I figured they'd only keep between 5-6 of the general knowlege peeps. They started reading numbers. And kept reading. Pretty soon, I realized I just might have a chance. More and more numbers were read as people began a little celebration when they were called. All around, person after person celebrated as they won what I'm sure feels like the lottery. I just knew my time would come. Finally, they get to the last number.

A punch in the stomach. I exhaled.

The welfare woman made it.

Looking back on it, I came to a couple realizations.

First, they probably don't want someone like me who got every answer of the test right. It's not like they want someone on the show who could actually WIN the million dollars. They want the $50,000 contestants. I'm more the million dollar type. That makes more sense.

And second, I should've cheated off the welfare lady.

This...

2008-06-25T12:00:00.001-07:00

...is quite possibly the most creative thing I've ever seen.

Enjoy.

If You Have The Time...

2008-06-18T15:29:00.000-07:00

Please don't ask me how I came across this. I don't know or remember. But if you follow the instructions exactly, I assure you that you'll laugh at some point. I can't garauntee which point, but at some point in following the directions exactly, you'll laugh.

Okay, here goes:

1) Click here.

2)Read the 'review' of the KJV bible.

3)Read the comment at the bottom.

4)Move your mouse over the name "Gregory Paul Adkins"

I hope at some point you enjoyed that. Now, back to work!

Ah, Vacation...

2008-06-17T19:57:00.001-07:00

What a week. We left Las Vegas on Friday and arrived in Lake Tahoe, CA. Well, we landed in Reno, NV, but drove to the cali side of the lake. What a beautiful place. And considering the highs in Las Vegas were roughly 4,000 degrees while we were gone, it was a good break before the heat set in.

I got to play golf twice. I read Eric Clapton's biography (not as interesting as you would think. The guy was a real jerk before he turned 55). I freaked out as there was NO internet access in sight. I was hoping to not completely abandon work while I was up there, but apart from one morning in a coffee shop, I was without.

But, that gave me a chance to relax and watch an INCREDIBLE U.S. Open championship. I remember when Dad used to watch golf on Sundays after church. I used to think it was the most boring thing that could ever be broadcast on television. When we would steal the remote from my father's hand after he had fallen asleep (even HE couldn't stay awake through it), he would inevitably wake up and say, "Turn it back. I was watching that."

Anywho, Tiger Woods won an amazing tournament after 91 holes. 91 FREAKIN HOLES!!!! Although, after it was over, I was really sad for Rocco. Prolly the last time that guy will ever do something that significant. I was really impressed with his attitude and grace.

Anywho, we are back and tomorrow starts the grind again. It's good to be home with the puppies and to sleep in your own bed, though. Something about your own tv with your own remote and your own thermostat that just feels good.

I'll try to post more often Mom. I know you miss my updates!

It's Here....

2008-06-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

Click here.

Thanks Matt.

What A Numnah...

2008-06-03T09:17:00.000-07:00

The definition makes it even better!

For Chief Yellowhat...

2008-05-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

I love living in Las Vegas. And with the our little girl on the way, I'm excited about all the things living in the west has to offer. Things that I didn't get to do when I was a kid. San Diego Zoo, the Grand Canyon, Disneyland (sure we went to Disneyworld, but it's not the same as the original), California beaches, real snow skiing (not the hills of Michigan), etc. But there's one area of my childhood that the west cannot provide for my little girl.

Roller Coasters.

Oh sure, sure, every casino on the strip on every corner has one. But they are really just little thrill rides. Only one (New York, New York) actually comes close to being a TRUE roller coaster. The one out at stateline is nice and cheap with a, what was at the time of construction the world's largest, huge drop. But even then, you aren't in the midst of a carnival atmosphere with cotton candy, elephant ears, and expensive sodas with more roller coasters to explore. Sorta one and done.

And yes, there's Magic Mountain. It was once labeled the roller coaster capital of the world. Once. A long time ago. Now it just feels like they squeezed as many coasters into one area as they could. When you are on one ride, you loop and ride through another. After awhile, they all kind of blend together.

No, for theme parks, there is only one destination for a true roller coaster enthusiast.

King's Island.

Now, before you midwesterner give me the Cedar Point argument, let me stop you right now. I know there are parks with taller rides. I know there are parks with steeper drops. I know there are parks with more loopty loops and corkscrews. But there is no park, no park in the world, that can match the speed and distance of the greatest roller coaster ever created.

The Beast.

Yes, even before you climb aboard one of the three 36 passenger trains, you can hear The Beast's satisfaction in striking fear into the heart of a new passenger. As you stare at the impressive six layers of 2x4 used to brace just the track, you have to wonder just how much lumber went into making this...well...beast of a track. The truth is, no one knows! There is so much wood that went into this monster that no one kept track and now it is a mystery. Try it. Try to find the answer. Good luck.

Some of my best memories of childhood revolve around King's Island. There was a pattern to the day. You started at Top Gun, because it sucked, but you had to ride it, so you tackled it early to get it out of the way. Then you hit the Racers. Backwards was a must! (Although rumor has it that they changed the backwards ride to now go forwards. Shame). Then you stood in the rediculously long line to ride Days of Thunder (IAAASSSSSAAAACCCC!). Next was the Vortex. I have to be honest. The first time I went to King's Island, I was scared to ride this coaster. I didn't do it. Neither did my friend Kevin and we both tried to pretend we would've if the other had wanted to. Then came lunch. SKYLINE CHILI BABY!!! After that you tried to win the girl a stuffed animal in the Coney Island section. Once lunch was digested, it was off to the King Cobra. Then, after this proper warm up, and only then, could you even consider taking on The Beast.

I remember standing in line with two good friends to ride The Beast when a gentlemen interrupted our conversation to tell us he was one of the first people to ever ride The Beast. We went along with him until he told us that The Beast used to have a loop in it (this was before Son of Beast was injuring people with it's metal travesty). After that, we figured he was off his rocker. He proceeded to 'jeff gordon' us (as Johnny "IT'S TIME" Scott said at the time) and jump ahead of the line. He happened to be wearing a yellow hat. From that, the legend of Chief Yellowhat grew. Chief Yellowhat, the only man to ride a loop on The Beast.

I say you must ride The Beast after a proper warm up. But it's not you that's warming up. You see, The Beast is a woodie. It's not state of the art. It's not new technology. It's classic. And the cool nights in Ohio means the wood is stiff and unforgiving in the morning. You don't want to be on one of those first rides out of the gate. You want the late afternoon runs. You want to hit the ol boy when he's good and ready to give you the ride of your life.

It takes four minutes and thirty seconds to tame The Beast. And once you've tasted the good stuff, nothing else quite compares.

One day I'll take my daughter there. One day we'll board the 7,500 feet of track, scream with delight as we drop over 100' into the earth (that's right, the first drop goes underground!), and hold on for dear life as we twist and turn through the 35 acres that The Beast covers.

Until that day, I'll have to settle for this:

If I Were To Ever Fight...

2008-05-19T17:33:00.001-07:00

...surely this is how it would turn out.

BIG BROWN!!!!

2008-05-17T15:23:00.001-07:00

I don't know what it is about horse racing but I LOVE IT! I love how beautiful those enormous animals look as they stretch for another stride. The power in their legs. They way they almost float above the track as they race at full speed. Absolutely stunning.

It always seems at this time of year I get to watch the three races which make up the triple crown, the greatest acheivement in thoroughbread racing. For three years in a row, we had a horse win the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness Stakes but lose the Belmont Stakes (War Emblem in 2002, Funny Cide in 2003, and Smarty Jones in 2004).

To see Big Brown do what he just did to the rest of the field got me excited. It was like his jockey was driving a car and just decided to throw it into high gear and run away from the pack. Amazing.

One more race to go!!!!

ALMOST!!

2008-05-15T13:10:00.000-07:00

Thank you Betsy for pointing out how long it's been since I've posted. Truth is, I had REALTOR (like doctor just with 'real' instead of 'doc'. It's not Realator. That word doesn't exist. Unless you live in eastern Tennessee where you are allowed to add syllables at any place and at any time to any word) classes last week then did a job with a production company that I moonlight with to earn a little extra needed cash. Anyway, I should have more time to blog now that I'm back to working. And awe all know, with Jake, Work=freetime-to-search-the-internet-for-random-clips. This week's episode comes courtesy of a moron who apparently decided to attempt a standing back flip without ever practicing it before in his life. Enjoy!

I Am Tony Stark's Jealous Fan...

2008-05-05T15:24:00.000-07:00

Went and saw Iron Man on opening night. Pretty darn good. Anybody else see it?

In honor of the movie, this website has a list of real life gadgets so you can assemble your very own iron man suit. Good luck.

If You Make It...

2008-04-28T13:58:00.001-07:00

Through the whole thing without laughing...congratulations, you're dead.

I'm not sure if you can read his shirt or not, but it says, "Stud Muffin."

Butterfly Kisses...

2008-04-25T13:48:00.001-07:00

I think I was about 10. Maybe I was a little older. Maybe I was a little younger. But the margin for error on this one can't be more than a year. Definately right at the 4th or 5th grade mark.

First I noticed the other boys didn't do it. It had seemed so natural. Just the way the world was. But suddenly I realized this was something that, if left unattended, could cause me great shame in the near future.

The time was now. I knew I had to act, but finding the courage to do so meant hurting someone I loved. I remember trying to find an excuse that wouldn't be so obvious and painful. I thought about it until I came up with the perfect excuse.

The moustache.

OF COURSE! His moustache. That makes the perfect sense.

"Dad." I asked.

"Yes son?" He said.

"Do you think it'd be alright if maybe I stopped kissing you?" I continued, "I mean, not because I don't want to, but because your moustache just kinda rubs my face and it hurts. You think we could just, I don't know, hug from here on out?"

"Sure"

And thus ended an era in my life. I began to grow up.

I dropped my buddy off at the airport this afternoon and on my way back, I decided to grab some lunch. I was hoping to have all my work done so I could go home and eat, but I knew I had at least a couple more hours left of work to go, so I decided to stop at my favorite Chinease...err...Asian buffet.

I was enjoying chicken on a stick when I noticed some people walking in. It was some grandparents with their daughter, who, in turn, also had her daughter (the granddaughter) in tow. It soon became apparent that they were meeting the husband here, because the moment the little girl saw her dad, she let out a huge, "DADDY!!!" and ran to him.

He swallowed her up in a giant bear hug and gave her a big kiss.

I had to fight tears.

Wednesday night, we asked the ultrasound operator not to tell us right away the sex of our child. Instead, we had her type it off in the corner of the picture and then put the picture in an envelope. Afterwards, we went to dinner and opened up the surprise together.

I'd like to say that I was impartial. That I screamed and cried and gave the girl with the green eyes the biggest of big hugs. That I was mature enough to not show my disappointment in my sperm (by the way, I'm pretty sure that's the only time in my life I will ever write that sentence).

But I'm an immature little kid. My humor is stuck in the sixth grade, and sometimes I think my emotional maturity is too.

"I'm sorry honey," my wife consoles me with.

"About what? I'm super excited." I lie.

"Yeah right. I know how much you wanted a boy," she cross examines me with.

And she was right. I wanted a boy soooooooooo bad. I even had the name picked out. Jaxon Alexander Keck. It means "Jake's son, the defender of mankind." Seriously, who wouldn't want to be named the defender of mankind?

It wasn't to be. And I pouted. I just couldn't get over how badly I had wanted a boy. And now, Jaxon may never exist.

My wife says I am too emotional. I say she isn't emotional enough. But I would agree with her that I demontrate my emotions at a much higher rate than her. That may not be a very manly thing to admit, but the truth's the truth. I cry at movies more than her. I cry at weddings more than her. I cry hug more people than her. It's just the way I'm wired.

So when I saw that little girl, run into her daddy's arms, I fought tears. Why? Because I suddenly realized the fullness of the gift God is giving me.

If I were to have a son, someday, in the not so distant future, I would be dropping him off for school and we'd have a conversation that would go like this:

"Uh, dad?"

"Yes Jaxon?"

"Do you think, maybe, instead of giving me a kiss, we could just, you know, high five or something? Your mustache just kind of rubs my face."

"I don't have a mustache Jaxon."

"So high fiving works?"

And that will be it.

With my daughter, the kissing will never stop.

Gotta Start Saving...

2008-04-24T09:25:00.000-07:00

Got to pay for a wedding now...

Because It Reminds Me Of Poop...

2008-04-23T10:47:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in an extremely boring real estate continuing education classes. Today we are talking about ethics. The lady who is teaching the class sounds like she is from Alabama. The word "duty" keeps coming up. But the way she says it, it sounds like "dewdie" and makes me laugh.

I am six years old.

I Am A Ruined Man...

2008-04-21T10:58:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been proud and ashamed at the same time? Last night I had one of those moments.

I used to play hockey (okay, "roller" hockey, but still. What can I say? I grew up in Indiana. We had more parking lots than frozen ponds.) on a pretty regular basis. Then, the team I played for decided to switch to Sunday nights and, at the time, my schedule couldn't accomodate that. But lately, I've been able to play ok an as-needed basis. Yesterday, I got the call from the dugout that my services would be needed. So, I strapped on my old gear and entered the rink of battle.

The game was tight. It was 3-3 late in the third. With about 2:30 left in the game, I pursued a puck deep in the corner. The opponent was bringing the puck out and as he got near me, he lost his balance. I don't say that tongue-in-cheek as in he "lost his balance" by me hitting him with my stick. I mean he was clumsy. Well, he fell right into my feet, which caused me to fall. As I fell on top of him, he proceeded to kick and punch at me. This isn't such an abnormality, even in roller hockey. Now, while this is annoying, being that it isn't abnormal, I tried my best just to get up and rejoin the action. When I stood up, my opponent decided he wanted to endanger my future children, by ramming his stick as hard as he could at them. Well, being that we don't know the sex of our child yet, and I don't know whether or not I have a male heir, this simply was unacceptable.

(The following is my recollection of the events. He may remember it differently)

I turned to him and said, "I'm sorry sir that you were unable to proceed unimpeeded down the rink, but I simply was trying to improve my teams situation in this gentlemenly game of puck and stick."

He said, "Screw you!" And punched me in the face.

I said, "Sir, if you want to go to fisticuffs, I've got your Jack Johnson and Tom O'Leary right here."

Then he kicked my dog off the overpass.

I said, "Now this is happening."

And that is (pretty accurately, I must say) how the fight began. I don't know if it was my feeble wrestling background or having just watched GSP destroy Matt Serra, but something instinctively kicked in and I took him down.

To Chinatown.

I'll have to be honest and say that I'm glad I "won". Maybe that's my pride talking. Whatever. If you're going to fight, fight to win right?

But I will say I'm ashamed of myself. Would it have cost me anything to just to walk away even AFTER he hit me? No, it wouldn't have.

But it wouldn't have made a very good story either.

Time's Almost Up...

2008-04-15T21:50:00.001-07:00

In honor of today: A Chuck Norris Tax Joke.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack.

Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

What To Do, What To Do...

2008-04-14T14:03:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm sitting in a small office on the wrong side of a desk. It's roughly my third week on the job, but it really feels like my first day. Even though my licensing credentials are the same and only needed to switch brokers, when I was with Lennar, I didn't belong to the National Association of REALTORS. This is the association that lets you list and view homes on the MLS (Multiple Listing Service) which is how 99% of resale homes are sold in the valley. I couldn't join the association until my license came through to my new broker, so the last couple of weeks, I have mostly been bugging Mark and having him show me what to do.

Friday, my credentials finally came through and I was able to take care of all the necessary paperwork and fees ($1500!!!!!!!) to join the association. So, today kind of feels like my first day on the job. Especially since I am bored and are blogging.

Just like old times.

All That Is Right With The World...

2008-04-11T08:57:00.000-07:00

Came accross this little gem today. Yes, I know it's wrong. But it's okay. I'm a democrat.

(I actually have no idea how that justification has to do with anything.)

Way Up High...

2008-04-09T13:30:00.000-07:00

All three of my Dad's brothers (and various parts of their families) were in town last weekend. They came in late Saturday and just left this afternoon to go home. We had a great time. I didn't get ANY sleep Saturday night and went to bed Sunday night about 2 o'clock Monday morning. It's been a long time since I tried to keep that schedule. Needless to say, I am pooped. Hopefully, I can get back to posting regularly soon. I know you miss hearing how I spent my day, Mom.

Introducing, In the Red Corner...

2008-03-26T11:46:00.000-07:00

"Why would anyone do that?"

I've heard that more than once. Watching one guy pound another guy inside that octagon begs that question. Yet, I've never asked it. Even when it's a one sided affair and the loser looks like he was in a bad car accident (and probably hurts more than if he actually was). Even when there's an injury.

I don't have to ask. I know why.

I quit my job yesterday. Just for context, I loved my job. I enjoyed working with people, helping them find their dream home. I think Lennar is a good company, and, as best they can, care about their employees. I loved my boss. I thought he was smart and did a lot of things right.

So why did I quit?

When I was a kid, I used to wrestle. In high school, I wasn't necessarily good, but I wasn't bad either. I won most of the matches I was supposed to win, and I lost most of the matches I should've lost. And most of the time this was pre-determined before I went on the mat.

It wasn't set-up or anything, I just pre-determined it. Usually, when I went up against an opponent with a good record that I knew, ultimately, no matter how hard I tried, I would probably be defeated. Mostly because he was a better wrestler than me. So, when those times came, I usually didn't try very hard. I made it look good, but I was defeated before I went out there. That might sound strange, but it was an ego saver for me.

You see, by not trying, I didn't really feel like I'd lost. By not giving my all, I wasn't putting myself out there. In the back of my mind I could say, "well, I didn't really lose because I didn't really try. Who knows how I would've done if I'd tried."

I continued this attitude through most of my life. Things I should succeed at, I did. And things I would have to work hard to succeed at, I didn't try very hard, so if it failed, I didn't feel like it was really me who failed.

Theodore Roosevelt was quite a president. He was the first vice president to succeed a president who died (McKinley) and actually get re-elected. He was the first president to invite a black person to dine at the White House. He was the first president to officially call the White House "The White House". He was the first American to be awarded a Nobel Prize. He is the only president to be awarded a Medal of Honor. He's also the reason I quit.

There is a quote of his that I've committed to memory. It goes like this:

"It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

When I was in fifth grade, I wrestled for the junior high team. I was too young to have an ego, and as it was my first year of really competitive wrestling, I didn't know if I was any good or not. We entered a four-team tournament at the end of the year. As it turned out, I was ranked third (out of four). But, the second ranked kid couldn't make weight, and I suddenly found myself in the championship match against the number one ranked kid in my weight class. Well the match starts and I find myself on my back. I struggle and strain and somehow make it out of the first period. The second period was more of the same. I find myself in danger of being technically pinned by losing by more than 15 points.

The third period starts and he's controlling the match. Now, don't get me wrong, this kids is a better athlete than me. The fact that these people exist is a reality my life that hasn't escaped my knowledge. But something in me decided I wasn't ready to lose. Something snapped inside and I went after him. I got him in a headlock and squeezed as hard as I could. With about 8 seconds left in the match I pinned him.

I was a the champion. I was the only kid on my team that year to win a championship. I put myself out there and won. I strove valiantly. I knew victory.

I think there is something in a man that identifies with that. It's the reason the UFC is the fastest growing sport among men ages 18-40. It's the reason my brother-in-law is joining the Air Force in his thirties. It's the reason I envy him. And it's the reason I going out on my own.

I am entering a very competitive arena. If I succeed, it will be because of me. And if I fail, it will be because of me. Much like Cortez, I am burning the ships and not looking back.

"Why would anyone do that?"

If you have to ask, no explanation will do.

The critic line begins to your left.

Them Jars Of Clay Are Right...

2008-03-24T14:39:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a very crazy week.

Today I made a pro/con list of whether or not I'm going to quit my job (Matt, I know this violates rule number something or other about blogging, but I don't care). You always know it's going to be an interesting week when it starts off like that. Plus, my wife left me a honeydo list a mile long. I'm almost there, but thought I would post while I had a break.

Tomorrow I'm working all day.

Wednesday I have an appointment at the church, lunch appointment, and then a vet appointment for the doggies. Athena has these horrible allergies that keep us up all night with her scratching. Diesel poops blood. Gross, I know.

Thursday is D-day. I absolutely positively have to know by then what I'm going to do about work.

Friday is either work as usualy or the first day of freedom. We'll see what happens.

WEST VIRGINIA SUCKS (and other NCAA rumors that aren't true)...

2008-03-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

If anyone cares, I am auctioning of a slightly used NCAA men's tournament bracket.

WESTERN KENTUCKY!!!!!

2008-03-21T11:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I had my first big hurt of the tourney. I had Drake going all the way to the Elite 8.

What a shot.

Dear Jason...

2008-03-19T22:04:00.000-07:00

...You asked for it.

(if you don't get it, see comment on post below)

Nature's Vagina...

2008-03-19T11:11:00.000-07:00

Wow! What A Hole...

2008-03-18T08:37:00.001-07:00

I know I have been severly absent for the past couple of weeks. This is largely due to two reasons.

First, my internet at work is down. Not only does this take roughly 6 hours I had each day to post, but also 6 hours each day I had to surf the internet for something to post on.

Secondly, my wife is on track break right now. So when I come home, I like to spend as much time with her as we can. My weekends (Tuesday and Wednesday) aren't boring like they used to be. For instance, in about 10 minutes we are leaving to go see the Grand Canyon. I've been there before, but Candice has never seen it. Neither one of us are really into the whole 'outdoor' thing, but it's really a shame to live this close to it and never have seen it. So, off we go!

I'm borrowing my father-in-law's fancy smancy camera. This means two things: 1. Pray for me that I don't drop it over the edge and have to replace it and b. I might just come back with a great pic to put on the ol' blog.

TO THE GIANT HOLE IN THE GROUND WE GO!!!!!!!

Reclaiming The Title...

2008-03-06T14:16:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure I remember my dreams anymore.

At the beginning of every school year my mom would put our school picture into a little book. Next to the pic she would fill out important info like height, weight, and who my friends were. The last line of information asked what I anted to be when I grew up. I never really took that question to seriously. Even as I got older, and my friends began deciding what they were going to pursue in life, I still had a hard time saying with any certain confidence what I wanted to be. I probably stuck with my patented answer of doctor because it gave me the greatest chance of seeing a naked girl.

I wish my mom still kept that book. I wish there were pages for important milestones like 25, 30 and 40th birthdays. How would I answer the question then? How do I answer it now?

As I sit in my office on an unusually busy day, contemplating what the next few years will bring, I realize it won't be that long until the girl with the green eyes will be rubber cementing our childs picture into a little book. Recording important information like favorite food and best friend's names.

I wonder how they'll answer the question.

The Cart Whisperer...

2008-02-28T13:03:00.001-08:00

The Old Jake...

2008-02-27T22:23:00.000-08:00

(The following conversation took place between my wife and I as we watched Kristy Lee Cook perform on "American Idol")

The Girl With The Green Eyes: "I don't like her pants."

Me: "Why not?"

TGWTGE: "They're too shiny"

Me: "But her shirt is shiny..."

TGWTGE: "But her pants are awful. They remind me of something you used to wear."

Totally Useless Skills...

2008-02-25T16:41:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure why, but I was thinking today of all the things I can do that serve me absolutely no purpose whatsoever. Let me show you what I mean:

1) Type Fast. Seriously, I have typed this whole blog so far in about 22 seconds. Okay, maybe not that fast, but I do feel like I can type secretary fast. But I'm not a secretary. If it wasn't for this blog, I would have no reason to type anything ever. And even then, I have so much time at work, it could take me a minute to type a word and I'd still have enough time to finish a decent blog in a day. Which is all the more reason that it's sad I don't blog more...

2) Math. I was a genius in High School. Okay, maybe not Einstein level, but still pretty far. I was about two grades ahead of where I should've been. For whatever reason, math concepts always came easily. I remember asking my teachers when we were ever going to use this in the real world. And you know what? I haven't. EVER. Thanks Mrs. Deason. Now English on the other hand...

3) Roller Skating. Like old school, 4 wheels with a stopper on the front. We used to have races at the local skating rink and I'd win a lot. I never was that fast of a runner (something about the whole getting hit by a car when I was 12) but I could skate really fast.

4) Driving fast. Nuff said.

I'm not sure why I can do those things. They really have served me absolutely no purpose whatsoever in my life. I wonder which of these traits I'll pass along to my kids.

Oh, yeah, I'm going to be a dad.

I Completely Stole This...

2008-02-23T12:54:00.000-08:00

I was on David Crowder's blog, saw he did this, realized I am bored out of my freaking mind, and thought it would be fun.

Grab your ipod and go to your favorite playlist. Hit random and list the first ten songs that come up. NO CHEATING. Post your list in the comments. Here's mine:

1)November Rain - GNR
2)California - Phantom Planet
3)All My Life - Foo Fighters
4)A Long December - Counting Crows
5)American Women - Lenny Kravitz
6)American Idiot - Green Day
7)Cherry Bomb - John Mellencamp
8)Heart of Gold - Neil Young
9)Panama - Van Halen
10)The Space Between - Dave Matthews Band

Your turn...

What Kind Of Dog Is A Sick Dog?

2008-02-18T13:02:00.000-08:00

I am sick. Worn out, headache, vommiting sick. You'll excuse me if I'm absent the next few days. I've got the bottom of some toilets to look at.

I Knew I Was White When I Bought That $6 Cup of Coffee...

2008-02-15T09:45:00.001-08:00

Found this great website completely devoted to things white people like. My favorites so far are #68 (divorce), #62 (knowing what's best for poor people), and #59 (natural medicine). It's comical if not convicting.

My Hands...

2008-02-14T12:40:00.001-08:00

...have smelled like stinky feet all day. I've washed them a thousand times but I can't shake that smell. Anyone got some orange scented hand sanitizer?

Spring Cleaning...

2008-02-13T17:27:00.000-08:00

It's been 70 plus degrees here the last few days. It feels absolutely great to walk outside and not be cold.

We are starting a new small group tonight. Well, not new completely, but newer. It still has our old group members, we are just doubling in size. I'm kind of excited. We will have about 10-12 couples (20-24 people) over here tonight. I'm doing an experiment to see if a larger small group can work. It might turn into a logistical nightmare, or it might succeed. Either way, we're gonna give it a run.

Well, Happy Valentine's Day!

I Like...

2008-02-11T12:55:00.000-08:00

...the one about a herniated colon.

Lots To Write About Today...

2008-02-08T10:06:00.000-08:00

First of all, Survivor is back. This season is a fan vs. favorite format. Fun! (Spoiler alert!) I was shocked when Johnny Fairplay told everyone to vote for him. I was certain there was some other cockamamie idea up his sleave. But, alas, one of my favorite chracters was booted, probably never to be heard from again. I don't like the Parvati/James duo. Unfortunatly, I don't think James is smart enough to realize how that pigeon holes him. And is that ALL she can do? Seriously, talk about needing some game (get it, cause her only game is her game? No? Okay, I'm a dork).

Secondly, I picked up a book I heard about on my friend Chris' blog. It's called "UNchristian". It's written by the president of the Barna Research Group. It's a very interesting, thought provoking, and convicting read.

Thirdly, to further prove my point, there is a petion being lodged to the comissioner of the NFL to replay the last 1:40 of the Super Bowl. Seriously. You can read the full protest here. But please allow me the pleasure of some highlights of the signatures so far:

38. Dave Rosenthal I can't believe this isn't a big story. I mean, we should be 19-0, but the NFL hates that Pats, so instead we have to go through this the rest of our lives knowing we got gypped.

91. Bradley Whitaker The referees seemed as though they wanted the Patriots to finally lose.

119. Brandon Lathrop Proven That the game was over after eli was tackled, should have been a patriots win, this was a all set up by the nfl as a conspiracy.

109. Andrew Paterson It is obvious that, whether by accident or intent, the clock was kept in the last 1:40 illegally and in such a way that it cost the New England Patriots a fair chance to win the Super Bowl. This is not bitterness talking, I actually believe the outcome would or could have been different. Please, at the very least an acknowledgement or apolgy, if not your ordering of a replay of the game from that point on, even though I realize how much that is to ask.

And my personal favorite:

968. Daniel Duggan I was orinally signer 47. I have since found my dignity and self respect. I formally withdraw signature 47. Oh and this one too.Please don't count me twice. Don't count me once either. Don't count me at all please. Though we did get ripped off 1:40. That kinda sucked. You know? I mean with that extra time and all, we could have won it. In fact we deserved to win. WE WERE CHEATED. We WERE EFFEN CHEATED! THIS SUCKS. THIS REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SUCKS. We should be 19-0 and on top of the world. Man, I hope this petition gets to Mr. Goodell. He can make it right. PLEEEEEASE make this right Roger. Please, Please,Please, Undefeated that's what we should be. Undefeated.

Anywho, last, but certainly not least, I hope you didn't swim for Kokomo High School between the years of 2004-2006. In case you haven't heard, Brian Hindson was arrested for secretly videotaping girls changing in the locker room. Wow. In the last two months, Kokomo (my hometown) has made national headlines for a crook shooting himself in the groin, and a coach making illegal child porn. Way to represent.

So I May Be Late To The Party...

2008-02-07T11:34:00.000-08:00

This is really my first year being heavily informed during a political race. I was snooping around on cnn.com, and I came across the delegate count. Now, I understand the delegate process. I get that we are actually a republic and not a true democracy (at least, in the truest sense of the word). It's why someone can win the popular vote but lose and election. I understood that after Bush/Gore/Florida debacle.

But here's what I don't get. In the Democratic party, there are "Superdelegates". These delegates are made up of various ranking Democratic National Committee members. It includes all democratic govenors, senators, and congressmen. It also includes all former democratic Speakers of the House, democratic Senate leaders, former democratic presidents, vice presidents, and other various ranking democratic leaders.

Now, lest you think I am rethinking my new Democratic registration, the Republicans have them too. They just have A LOT less. A lot less.

Well, on the democratic side, these people, these delegates of superhuman power, make up about 20% of the total delegate count at the convention this summer. So in theory, one could win only a third of all the vote, and still be the nominee, if such a person could convince all his/her colleagues to vote for him/her.

So, being that there were 90 people at my caucus and we elected 7 delegates, it took eleven of us to have the strength of one of these 'Super'delegates.

I always knew I was less of a man, but now I know why.

My Dad Has Competition...

2008-02-04T15:22:00.000-08:00

There are parts of this video that are boring. Then there are parts of this video that are beautiful and disgusting at the same time. I'll let you be the judge.

Go here.

Because I Can't Help Myself...

2008-02-04T15:06:00.000-08:00

Suck it Patriots.

And I Was On A Roll...

2008-02-04T14:33:00.000-08:00

To my faithful readers (i.e. Mom)...

Sorry for the break. I know you've been missing your daily dose of stupid videos. I've been without the internet for the past week at work. Talk about boring. But I have been able to finish up seasons three and four of the Sopranos.

This show really intrigues me. It's one of the first TV shows I can think of where you actually root for the bad guy. Even in his twisted way, Tony Soprano embodies a lot of what people want. Respect, power, money, etc. I think it changed a lot about protagonists in our tv era. It opened doors for shows like Dexter where you root for a serial killer.

Anyway, the game yesterday was absolutely fantastic. I don't think you could've asked for a better all-around game (unless of course, you're a patriots fan, in which case, GET OFF MY BLOG!!!!) I'm sure everything that could be said about it will be said by much more savvy bloggers than me, so I'll leave the rest of that to the really clever people.

Well, hope you have a good week and I'm sure I'll be back in no time with videos of people throwing up or random candidates for president. Ta Ta.

UPDATE: Thanks to Ryan for the video and the shoutout

Two Interesting Stories...

2008-01-28T13:25:00.001-08:00

Let me tell you about them. I'll start with the shorter one.

I just had a lady come in to my office. She had a thick accent that sounded Russian. We chit chatting and I asked where she was from. She said Michigan. That's not what I meant, but being that I have family there I asked where. She said Plymoth.

"Never heard of it." I said.

"Really?" She replied, "Everyone in the world has heard of Plymoth."

"Michigan?" I asked.

"Yeah, you learn about it in school. You know, the pilgrims."

Oh.

"You mean Massachusetts," I said.

"No, Plymoth, Michigan. By Detroit. It's very famous." She said.

"The pilgrims landed in Plymoth, but it was in Massachusetts, not Michigan." I explained. "Think about it. How would they have reached Detoit by ship?"

"I learned about it in school. I know what I mean." She told me.

I let her have her way. Plymoth, Michigan. Site of the pilgrim landing.

Second story.

Yesterday, I had a temp help me out with all the traffic at our models. She told me a story that has movie written all over it.

She was the cheerleader/homecoming queen sweetheart. He was the rulebreaking badboy. He was a senior, she was a junior. Night of prom he knocks her up but she doesn't tell him. After graduation, he takes off for the neon lights of Vegas and gets into showbiz. She raises his kid for two and a half years on her own till she marries Steve, a big italian guy from an even bigger family. Steve raises the boy as his own till four years ago, when Steve passed away. 35 years of marriage. One day she's on the internet and decides to join Classmates.com. Posted on her school's site is a poem with her name on it. Badboy, now businessman in Las Vegas, posted it two weeks earlier. He's still in love with her. She flies out to see him and shows him a picture of her now 40 year old son. She tells him the truth. They get married and live happily ever after.

Bada bing. Ain't love grand?

You Sir, Are The Candidate Of Change...

2008-01-27T14:52:00.000-08:00

Cort For President...

2008-01-27T09:01:00.000-08:00

I posted about a week ago that I have a new favorite candidate. I just realized the link I posted didn't work. I've fixed the link but will put it here as well. This is his campaign add which convinced me.

God's Will...

2008-01-26T11:55:00.000-08:00

In the movie "Charlie Wilson's War", Philip Seymour Hoffman plays a CIA agent paired with Tom Hanks character (Wilson) to bring down the evil soviets in Afghanistan. At the end of the movie Aaron Sorkin writes in this story:

Hoffman: "A boy is given a horse on his 14th birthday. Everyone in the village says, 'Oh how wonderful.' But a Zen master who lives in the village says, 'We shall see.' The boy falls off the horse and breaks his foot. Everyone in the village says, 'Oh how awful.' The Zen master says, 'We shall see.' The village is thrown into war and all the young men have to go to war. But, because of the broken foot, the boy stays behind. Everyone says, 'Oh, how wonderful.' The Zen master says, 'We shall see.'"

At the end of "No Country For Old Men" Tommy Lee Jones' character is talking with one of his former deputies. He is relating how he's glad to be leaving the force because he didn't necessarily want to die in the line of duty like his father and his grandfather did. At the end of his little speech, the deputy says this:

"Whatcha got ain't nothin new. This country's hard on people, you can't stop what's coming, it ain't all waiting on you. That's vanity."

I say all this to say I've been thinking about the God's will for my life more and more. About what that means. I read "Quiet Strength" by Tony Dungy a couple of weeks ago. In it, he is constantly saying something to the effect of, "I guess it wasn't God's timing" or "I patiently waited for God to open the door".

I used to be on that train. The train that says my every move has been pre-destined so to speak. That God had a perfect will for my life and I was to discern it by any means necessary and charged with the task of not screwing it up.

Lately, I think I've fallen off that train (and no, not because I am currently registered Democrat). I'm not so sure God has this perfect will for me that I am to follow. I hear people say, "I heard God calling me to...(fill in the blank)" Maybe it was a certain job, a location, a ministry. I don't know.

I don't know because I've never heard him that way. He didn't tell me to move to Las Vegas or Denver or back to Vegas. He didn't tell me to marry Candice. He didn't tell me to go into vocational ministry or leave vocational ministry. I would have to say that what I've done in my life I've done because I wanted to.

So as not to sound too selfish there, let me explain. I believe ultimately people do what they want to do. We can say it was for God (and it may very well be), we can say it's for financial security, we can say it's for a lot of things, but ultimately, it's what we want to do. Do we want to do it because we think it's God's will? Sure, sometimes. But I married Candice because I wanted to. I worked at a church because I wanted to. I don't now because I don't want to.

The quote from "No Country" is really what has me thinking. To think that God has this perfect will for everyone on the planet I think is a little vain. I think more God has a perfect will, and it's up to us to fit ourselves into it. But I don't think it has anything to do with where we live or what we do for a living. I think it has to do with being obedient in our hearts and with our lives.

I have a saying that I passed along to my co-workers. "It is what it is". I know it didn't originate with me, but I came about it through my own accord none-the-less. Life is life and what will happen will happen. The thing we think is great one day is not so great the next.

When Dan Gable lost his unbeaten record the final match of his college wrestling career, it changed him. He became even more focused and ended with that one loss as the only blemish on his record. He became the most successful coach in NCAA history. Since then, he has said this:

"If I could figure out how I could have gone back and saved Diane, and how I could have gone back and not had that loss in that tournament, and still gone on to be the same person I am today, that would be perfect." (His sister Diane had been murdered when he was in high school)

But the truth is, he can't. And if he could, there's a great chance he wouldn't be the person he is today.

The more I think about it, the more I like "No Country For Old Men." I like the thought of fate. It's more freeing than restricting. Like I can't screw it up.

Proverbs says:

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps."

and

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

God has a will that's bigger than my life. It stretches from the beginning of time to the end of it. My story will someday have an end. I will die and be buried. But if I make myself a part of the larger story of God, my story will never end. Not because of God's will for me, but because of God's will, and my willingness to get lost in it.

Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait...................What?

2008-01-26T09:11:00.000-08:00

You Wanna Know Why I Hate The Patriots?...

2008-01-25T13:47:00.000-08:00

It has nothing to do with being a Colts fan. It has everything to do with being a football fan.

First and foremost, they cheated. They were caught this year using a camera to record signals so they could call into Brady what plays they were using. So this isn't just on Belichick. Everyone knew what was going on. They are cheaters, plain and simple.

I don't need any other reasons, but here is another great one.

They whine about EVERYTHING. All we heard this year was that they didn't get any respect. This is coming from a team that graced the SI cover 3 times during the 17 week season. This is coming from a team that Bill Simmons has so far up his butt, I think they are all a little brown by now. And this comes from a team that six years ago said this:

FOXBORO -- Several of the Patriots were not happy with Pittsburgh clawing and scratching to get into the end zone in the game's final minute.

Tedy Bruschi was restrained on the field after one goal-line play, and didn't hold back his disdain for the Steelers after the game.

Bruschi, who has seen players hurt late in games when the outcome already has been decided, said he "lost respect" for Pittsburgh because it chose to play hard until the final gun and not accept a 30-7 defeat. Bruschi said he worried about injuries because some players might not be running at full speed.

"I did have some respect for that team, but after what they pulled on that last drive, it's totally lost now," Bruschi said. "You're getting beat . . . just accept it with class. I know we would have if the tables were turned. But they're out there calling timeouts, trying to get extra yards, padding their stats. I don't know. Let's just end the game and get out of there healthy. They're putting both teams at risk."

That's right, don't you dare play your starters the WHOLE game. Unless of course you are already up by 38 points and Brady needs 16 games to do what Peyton did in 15. Then it's different.

Why?

Because they are the New England Patriots that's why. Who are you to question that?

Let This Be A Lesson To You...

2008-01-24T14:02:00.000-08:00

Stop Me If You've Heard It...

2008-01-24T11:40:00.000-08:00

Three coaches, Tony Dungy, Norv Turner, and Bill Belichik, charter a private plane to watch the Pro Bowl together. En route, the plane goes down and all three go to heaven to visit God and watch the Celtics play a game.

God decides who will sit next to him by asking the men a question...

God asks Tony Dungy first: "What do you believe?" Tony thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, "I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my fans."

God can't help but see the essential goodness of Dungy, and offers him a seat to his left.

Then God turns to Norv Turner and says, "What do you believe?"

Turner says, "I believe passion, discipline, courage and honor are the fundamentals of life. I, too, have been lucky, but win or lose, I've always tried to be a true sportsman, both on and off the playing fields."

God is greatly moved by Turner's sincere eloquence, and he offers him a seat to his right.

Finally, God turns to Bill Belichik: "And you, William, what do you believe?"

Belichik replies, "I believe you're in my seat."

I Never Knew My Dad Was A Superhero...

2008-01-21T13:15:00.001-08:00

Packers Fans Are Entertaining...

2008-01-20T10:46:00.000-08:00

Before this, if you asked me "What do you get when you take a shirtless california redneck and mix it with a packer fan?" I wouldn't have answered "Awesomness."

Now I do.

I Have A New Favorite Candidate

2008-01-18T22:01:00.000-08:00

Go!

I Hate Phillip Rivers A Little Less...

2008-01-18T09:41:00.001-08:00

No Politics At The Table...

2008-01-17T12:06:00.000-08:00

So, I figured mentioning politics in my last blog would bring some attention. So I figured I would clarify why I like Barack Obama.

First of all, he is for ending the war in Iraq as quickly as possible. I think the war in Iraq has distracted us in our pursuit of fighting al qaida who has now gone into Pakistan and made things very uncomfortable for us all (in case your unaware, they just shot someone for running against the current president who has already run his limit on terms according to their constitution, but decided he'd run again anyway.)

On that note let me just say, I don't think there are any good solutions to Iraq. There's only worse and awful. If we deployed the entire army to Iraq (which wouldn't actually be possible) maybe we could squelch the sectarian violence. Maybe. But for how long? I think the inevitable civil war is going to happen. And I think it best if we weren't there to shape it. I love the end story that Phillip Seymour Hoffman tells Tom Hanks character in Charlie Wilson's War. (I won't ruin it for you if you haven't seen it) I think the best we can say is, "We'll see."

Second, he's for affordable health care. He's not for universal health care like his other democratic opponents. He's for making sure that health care is there if you want it, but not forcing you to take it. Coming from a family that never had health insurance, my parents have paid the burden to make sure our teeth didn't fall out from rotting and that the doctors would put my leg back together when I was hit by a car. As such, they haven't been able to enjoy the kind of lifestyle they would've been able to making the kind of money they made. About a sixth of Americans are in this boat. And of that, 9 million of them are children. Children who can't afford to go to the dentist and have their teeth cleaned or treat cavities. Don't at least they deserve that? Lest you say he'll do all that by raising taxes, he actually has an aggressive plan to go after the insurance providers and drug makers to end the gouging that has occurred here because they can get away with it to help lower costs. Yesterday he said that maybe he'll just have a giant round table discussion with patients, nurses, doctors, insurance providers, drug makers and advisers and get to the bottom of it. Oh, and broadcast it on CSPAN so that everyone can see what is causing the increasing costs of health care coverage.

Along those lines, he's also for preventative health care. He said yesterday, one idea is to make joining a gym tax deductible. Or going to a dietitian. So that the gov't won't penalize you for doing your part in keeping America healthy. I like that.

He's is one of two candidates (with Huck being the other) that when dealing with immigration has had the thought to work with Mexico to strengthen their economy. Where have I heard that idea before? Oh, I know, ME! (see bottom of post for what I'm referring to)

Two years ago, before he was running for president, I heard him talk about alternative energy. We are too dependant on foreign oil. Everyone knows that. But truthfully, the republicans are too far embedded with big business to be able to do anything about it. But Obama wasn't afraid to get up in a speech in DETROIT, MI and say that emission standards and fuel efficiency standards must change. That takes courage. His plan is to have all cars to 40 mpg by 2020. That's change my kids will see. Also, his plan calls for 25% of all power consumed in the US by 2025 to be renewable (solar, wind, geothermal).

There are more issues I agree with him on. There are several I disagree with him on (abortion and raising the minimum wage come to mind). But I agree with him the most. Yes, he'll probably raise taxes (He is a democrat after all...), but with the polarization that has begun in American politics, he's wanting the most to be in the center. He isn't perfect, but I think he's the best choice.

And lest anyone think I'm going to hell, I'm still a republican technically. I only have to switch over Saturday so I can caucus for him. I'll switch back.

Maybe.

A Great Day

2008-01-16T20:10:00.000-08:00

Today was a great day. Let me tell you why.

I was up early enough to see the sunrise. I haven't been up that early since spring of last year. I forgot how beautiful they can be.

Then I picked up my good friend Tyler. He's in his second year of law school. I enjoy spending time with him because he is smarter than me and usually our topics go very deep. He challenges me and gives me different perspectives on things. Plus, he just finished a 3 month internship with Sen. Harry Reid in Washington D.C., so if nothing else, I enjoy hearing stories about that.

We had breakfast at the Rainbow Club in downtown Henderson. I know what you're thinking, and yes, they do serve breakfast in Las Vegas. Just kidding. No, it isn't a gay bar or anything, just an old, smokey, classic Vegas joint. Remember when Clark lost all his money and Eddie took him out to eat? Yeah.

We ordered the Casino special. Two eggs, two pieces of bacon, hashbrowns (which I didn't eat, thank you diet), and biscuits and gravy (which I ate, thank you diet). $1.89. Love it.

Then we headed over to hear Sen. Obama at a town hall meeting (interesting enough, in the same hall Candice and I had our wedding reception). I've never been to a political rally before. It was a lot of fun. I know that most of the people who read this blog are my family and that all of them are Republican and probably think I'm going to hell for registering Democrat, but what can I say, I like what he has to say the most.

After that, I dropped Tyler off and went to a creative team meeting at my church (yes, democrats go to church). This was the first time I was invited to such a meeting here and the first time I'd done something like this since I was in Colorado. I was a little rusty, but I was able to give them a great video idea that I think will turn out quite good.

After the meeting, I continued working on a video series for our small groups ministries. Once again, I was a bit rusty, but it came back quick. I forgot how much I enjoy being creative.

Then I came home and was quickly picked up to go to dinner with the family. At first I was told we were going to a fancy italian place (Spago) but then I found out they meant "Sapporo" which is a swanky Japanese place. I had sushi and edamambe. My favorite.

My small groups pastor says, "If you want to get a hold of Jake, call him when he's working. On his days off, he's too busy to talk."

I think he's got a point. But what a good day.

And all this while wearing a shirt that goes to 11.

I Don't Want To Write...

2008-01-13T14:22:00.001-08:00

This isn't therapy. It's something more. Maybe it's a cry for help.

I live and die with them. I bleed Colt blue.

I'm not sure anyone can stop the patriots. They are just too good.

Though, (sorry Bob) I would love to see them go down to Farve's Packers. That would be a sight.

I know this is random.

Harrison's fumble did us in. Who wouldn've thought that would be the case? A fumble by a gazillion time pro-bowler. Wayne got hurt. Sanders got hurt. They beat us up.

Billy Freakin Volek?

They beat us without LT, Rivers, Neal, and with a hurt Gates. They beat us bad.

We didn't score when we needed to.

I'm almost done.

I hope we make some good moves in the off-season, shore up that defense that looked small and slow.

Did we take them for granted?

Wow.

Go Packers I guess.

Saturday Morning Confession

2008-01-12T10:58:00.000-08:00

Played Guitar Hero at a party last night.

I think I'm addicted.

So Far, So Bad...

2008-01-10T12:52:00.001-08:00

Well, not too bad actually. I've actually lost a little bit, but of course, that was before I had two chocolate chip cookies today (how do you say no to fresh chocolate chip cookies? I have yet to find out). Work has been really, really slow lately. I wish that I could find something more productive to do when I don't have customers. By this time I should be a guitar aficionado, read 50 books, or at least be a master at Sodoku. But instead, I've watched every Office episode known to mankind and figured out tasty treats to add to mac and cheese to make it even better (m&ms. Don't knock it till you try it). Anywho, I was just feeling unproductive and whenever I write a blog, I seem to feel better about myself. So here's to my therapy.

Late.

And In This Corner...

2008-01-07T09:25:00.000-08:00

The official weigh-in came in this morning. Not as bad as I would've thought given the weekend. 208. Two hundred eight pounds. That's what it's come to. To lose the first ten of my 30 lbs goal, I decided to cut my left arm off. I figured, who needs two? Typing is getting a little messy, what with the blood and everything...

Okay, here we go. I can do this. All I have to do is not eat like crap. That should be easy, right?

Insert Led Zepplin Lyric...

2008-01-05T10:10:00.000-08:00

Since it's been awhile since I've actually written anything on this here blog of mine, I thought I'd take some time this rainy Saturday morning just to catch my faithful readers up on my life. Being that I've already spoken Mom this morning, this is for the other two of you.

I've seen a lot of movies lately. Being that before December I would've said that this was a real crappy year for movies, December made up for it. The last four movies I have seen were EXCELLENT and the fifth was pretty good for what it was. A couple days ago I saw "Juno". Very, very good. Funny, emotional, with a hint of morality. Very, very good. "Charlie Wilson's War." Aaron Sorkin at his best, writing political drama. Studio 60 on the something or other was alright, but I know West Wing, and you sir are no West Wing. But "War" was so good. Philip Seymour Hoffman is such a good actor. "Atonement" has had mixed reviews. I'm a big Keira Knightley fan, but mostly because I'm secretly attracted to her (wait, did I just type that outloud?). But the cinematography was very good and the pain and emotion was very raw. I give it two whatevers up. Watched "Once" on my computron. Wow. Sad I missed it in theaters. What a great movie about a story where nothing ever happens. Man was it good. Purchased the soundtrack right away. Fifth, and finally, "National Treasure 2." I know, I know, laugh all you want, but I like Nic and his dry repartee. So what if it's rediculasly unrealistic? I love me some fictional historical controversy.

Well, the new year is here. I said all through the holidays that I was gonna do something about the waistline. So far, I have extended my holiday eating schedule by two days (I was told by a reliable source that diets that start on Mondays last longer). So, Monday it is. I have a goal of losing 30 lbs. I'll keep you updated on my lack of discipline...

Brilliant

2007-12-31T12:29:00.001-08:00

Can I Get A Spot Please...

2007-12-31T09:51:00.001-08:00

This Would Make Uncle Jerry Proud...

2007-12-27T10:35:00.000-08:00

This young man paid attention in History...

Time Keeps On Slippin...

2007-12-20T14:10:00.000-08:00

Only 5 more days till Christmas. Where does the time go? It seems that even though we start the season earlier and earlier every year (starbucks has stuff out before Halloweeen), every year it goes by faster and faster. We'll have Christmas with the in-laws tomorrow, and zip to california for the day on monday. Then it's over. All the hype. All the wrapping. All the excitement. Boom. Done.

I'll turn 29 next year. Man I'm getting old.

And fat.

And bald.

Got a lot going for me right now.

Merry Christmas.

I'll Take Three!!

2007-12-14T14:36:00.000-08:00