8.28.2007
Must Be From South Carolina...
Really? Did you think your arm was tougher than science? That car has to weigh about a thousand pounds. A THOUSAND POUNDS!
I love the headband too. As if this moronic stunt was something to get pumped up for. Yeah, roll a car over your arm with no protection, but make sure you keep the sweat out of your eyes!
In the words of the idiot, "That was bad."
8.27.2007
What Did She Say?
It would be really easy to quote the moderator from Billy Madison here. REALLY EASY. But I figured to really make you laugh I'd have to come up with something really clever. So...
"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
Dang it! I tried, I really tried, but sometimes easy is best! Did she even try? Did she even hear the question? Let me break down her response so we can take a closer look at her intelligence level:
"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because uh some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education lacks such as South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for our..."
Thank God the host was there to put an end to that torture. I didn't even know that Iraq now got an article before it's name. The Iraq. Not to be confused those pretenders to the north. This is THE Iraq.
I'm pretty sure she was one of the fifth of Americans who couldn't find the U.S. on a world map. I'm pretty sure she couldn't identify earth in our solar system. I'm pretty sure she doesn't even know what a solar system is. I'm actually kinda surprised she didn't try to eat the foam off the microphone.
I think we should've asked her a different question,
"Miss Teen South Carolina, Do I to know want will we look like when we go to Hollowa?"
8.22.2007
Football Quotes...
My father-in-law sent me this list of football quotes and, being this time of year, I thought I would share with my faithful readers. So, Bill, Betsy, Mom and Dad, enjoy:
Now that football season is upon us, it's a good time to get in the mood by reading these quotations from well known football personalities!
"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money and we don't
have any." Erk Russell / Georgia Southern.
"Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas." Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.
"After you retire, there's only one big event left....and I ain't ready for that." Bobby Bowden / Florida State
"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to
be the one who dropped it." Lou Holtz
"When you win, nothing hurts." Joe Namath / Alabama
"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated."
Lou Holtz
"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a
medieval study hall." Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell
kicked out of you." Woody Hayes / Ohio State
"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation." Bob Devaney /
Nebraska
"You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere
else in life." Paul Dietzel / LSU
"It's kind of hard to rally around a math class." Bear Bryant / Alabama
"No, but you can see it from here." Lou Holtz / Arkansas...
When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world.
"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I
want him to quit in practice, not in a game." Bear Bryant / Alabama
"There's one sure way to stop us from scoring - give us the ball near
the goal line." MattyBell / SMU
"Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you
died." ; Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
"I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms -
Truman's and Eisenhower's." Alex Karras / Iowa
"My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball
and arrive in a bad humor." Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades." Duffy
Daugherty / MichiganState
"Always remember..... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David."
Shug Jordan / Auburn
"They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces." Darrell Royal /Texas
"Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"They whipped us like a tied up goat." Spike Dykes / Texas Tech
"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he
didn't recruit me and he said: "Well, Walt, we took a look at you
and you weren't any good." Walt Garrison /Oklahoma State
"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the
steering wheel." Bobby Bowden / Florida State
"Football is not a contact sport-it is a collision sport. Dancing is
a contact sport." Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post game message to his
team: "All those who need showers, take them." John McKay / USC
"If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great
education." Murray Warmath / Minnesota
"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be
a back, you only have to be dumb." Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon."
Spike Dykes /Texas Tech
"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it." Knute
Rockne / Notre Dame
"We didn't t ackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking."
John McKay / USC
"Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them
are bad." Darrell Royal / University of Texas
"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble
this football." John Heisman
Now that football season is upon us, it's a good time to get in the mood by reading these quotations from well known football personalities!
"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money and we don't
have any." Erk Russell / Georgia Southern.
"Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas." Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.
"After you retire, there's only one big event left....and I ain't ready for that." Bobby Bowden / Florida State
"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to
be the one who dropped it." Lou Holtz
"When you win, nothing hurts." Joe Namath / Alabama
"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated."
Lou Holtz
"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a
medieval study hall." Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell
kicked out of you." Woody Hayes / Ohio State
"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation." Bob Devaney /
Nebraska
"You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere
else in life." Paul Dietzel / LSU
"It's kind of hard to rally around a math class." Bear Bryant / Alabama
"No, but you can see it from here." Lou Holtz / Arkansas...
When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world.
"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I
want him to quit in practice, not in a game." Bear Bryant / Alabama
"There's one sure way to stop us from scoring - give us the ball near
the goal line." MattyBell / SMU
"Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you
died." ; Frank Leahy / Notre Dame
"I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms -
Truman's and Eisenhower's." Alex Karras / Iowa
"My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball
and arrive in a bad humor." Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee
"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades." Duffy
Daugherty / MichiganState
"Always remember..... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David."
Shug Jordan / Auburn
"They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces." Darrell Royal /Texas
"Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"They whipped us like a tied up goat." Spike Dykes / Texas Tech
"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he
didn't recruit me and he said: "Well, Walt, we took a look at you
and you weren't any good." Walt Garrison /Oklahoma State
"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the
steering wheel." Bobby Bowden / Florida State
"Football is not a contact sport-it is a collision sport. Dancing is
a contact sport." Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State
After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post game message to his
team: "All those who need showers, take them." John McKay / USC
"If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great
education." Murray Warmath / Minnesota
"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be
a back, you only have to be dumb." Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon."
Spike Dykes /Texas Tech
"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it." Knute
Rockne / Notre Dame
"We didn't t ackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking."
John McKay / USC
"Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them
are bad." Darrell Royal / University of Texas
"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame
"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble
this football." John Heisman
8.21.2007
Soooooooo.....
What should Mr. Goodell do?
On one hand, I can see a lifetime ban. Vick lied to everyone. He lied straight to the commish's face. Not to mention the atrocities committed againt the animals. But let's be honest. Warren Moon did some pretty bad stuff to his wife, and we let him play. Pacman Jones shot a guy, paralyzing him for life and he only got a year ban. What's the difference?
On the other hand, why put up with it? Vick lied to everyone. What is the advantage of letting him play? We get to see a tremendous athlete? There are so many out there, I don't think we'll miss this one. Plus, if you have ever owned or loved an animal, there is an evil beyond a momment of human anger that it takes to take advantage of them.
What says you?
8.20.2007
Ten:10 Ministries...
One of my favorite verses is John 10:10 (thanks Josh). I like it so much that when I was in ministry, we named our youth programs after it. TEN:10 Ministries. Whenever anyone asked what that meant, I usually only quoted the second part of that verse (I have come to give you life and life to the full).
Yesterday I was in a small group leader training class at church. The teacher asked us to turn to John 10:12-13. His point was simply that we ought to have a vested interest in the lives of the people in our small groups so that we don't treat them as a hired hand would. I started thinking of this verse in the context of all that Jesus was saying.
Thieves steal, kill and destroy us. Jesus is life. He gives us this life by laying down his own life for his sheep, for those that recognize his voice and follow him. What a comforting thought.
He says that he knows his own sheep, yet willingly lays down his life. He knows the life I live apart from him, when I am stolen from, killed and utterly destroyed. So He lays down his life so that I can have, as he calls it, greener pastures. So that I can experience a life free of vandelism and death.
I often forget that the ultimate purpose in a relationship with Jesus isn't heaven. It isn't even salvation. It's Jesus. That when we accept the gift he's given us, what we recieve is much more than a ticket to eternal life. It is The Eternal Life himself. We get God. How amazing is that?
Yesterday I was in a small group leader training class at church. The teacher asked us to turn to John 10:12-13. His point was simply that we ought to have a vested interest in the lives of the people in our small groups so that we don't treat them as a hired hand would. I started thinking of this verse in the context of all that Jesus was saying.
Thieves steal, kill and destroy us. Jesus is life. He gives us this life by laying down his own life for his sheep, for those that recognize his voice and follow him. What a comforting thought.
He says that he knows his own sheep, yet willingly lays down his life. He knows the life I live apart from him, when I am stolen from, killed and utterly destroyed. So He lays down his life so that I can have, as he calls it, greener pastures. So that I can experience a life free of vandelism and death.
I often forget that the ultimate purpose in a relationship with Jesus isn't heaven. It isn't even salvation. It's Jesus. That when we accept the gift he's given us, what we recieve is much more than a ticket to eternal life. It is The Eternal Life himself. We get God. How amazing is that?
8.15.2007
The Squirrel Flip...This Could Be Bad...
Squirrel Flip - performed on a high wire just a few feet off the ground. Enjoy.
(and you thought it was going to end up bad! Shame on you!)
(and you thought it was going to end up bad! Shame on you!)
8.14.2007
And You Think Your Problems Are Big...
My friend Bob sent this to me in an email. I thought it was pretty interesting so I decided to share it. Makes me feel pretty small...
8.09.2007
The Backstory of an Understatement...
Demetrius couldn't believe his luck. He had put in his time and finally it had paid off. His mentor had just invited him over to his house for dinner. Now, Demetrius had been to his teacher's house for dinner many times. But this time was different. His mentor, Simeon, had invited Jesus to his house. Demetrius had tried to see Jesus on several occasions, but each time the crowd had been too great. Plus, he had to be careful. If the wrong person associated him with Jesus, it could mean bad things for his career at the synagogue. He figured he'd be safe here, since Simeon was a high ranking official in the synagogue.
When he crossed the street he found a familiar scene. People pushing and shoving, even bartering, just trying to get inside. A small crowd was gathered around a man who they say had just been healed by Jesus. Demetrius furrowed his brow.
"I thought this Jesus guy was supposed to be religious. Doesn't he know you can't work on the sabbath?" Demetrius thought.
Demetrius shoved his way to the door and shouted for Simeon.
"Simeon, I'm here, let me in!" he shouted.
Simeon heard his name. He had been busy making sure the food was going to be ready, that he hadn't even paid attention to his guests. He looked and saw Demetrius at the door.
"Let Demetrius in." he told his attendants.
Simeon was glad to see Demetrius. "Go and see to my guests. There is a problem in the kitchen that is requiring my attention right now."
Demetrius tried to quiet the crowd. "Settle down and have a seat. The food will be ready soon."
But it was no use. People were shouting and pushing. A small argument had erupted at the head of the table over who was going to sit next to Jesus. Demetrius felt confident that he deserved the spot since Simeon was his mentor and had specifically invited him. Plus, he really wanted to ask Jesus some questions to see about his legitimacy. He began shoving his way forward. He even got a little more physical than he thought he could. But no matter what he tried, there seemed to be someone a little stronger than him in front.
He felt a hand on his shoulder. A rabbi he didn't recognize pulled him aside and gave him this advice:
"Sometimes it's better not to be at the head. What if you sat right next to Simeon and then Simeon's mentor walked through the door? Where will you sit then? Instead, head down to the foot of the table. Then, when Simeon's done in the kitchen and sees the foolishness at the head of the table, he'll ask what you are doing all the way at the end. Then you'll be honored among his guests."
Just then Simeon came into the room and it immediately settled down. The Rabbi Demetrius didn't recognized walked up to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He then turned to the crowd and said:
"The next time you have a dinner, don't invite each other. If you do, you'll only receive an invite to the next dinner party. Instead, invite those who can't afford a dinner, who can't work for food, those who can not pay you back. Then, your reward will be at the resurrection, in the Kingdom of God. And you will be at the head of the table."
Immediately Demetrius realized who the rabbi was. He understood his advice was much more than a way to the to the head of the table. He had given him a lesson on life. Demetrius took his place near the end of the table and shouted, "What a privilege it would be to have a share in the Kingdom of God."
Luke 14:7-15
When he crossed the street he found a familiar scene. People pushing and shoving, even bartering, just trying to get inside. A small crowd was gathered around a man who they say had just been healed by Jesus. Demetrius furrowed his brow.
"I thought this Jesus guy was supposed to be religious. Doesn't he know you can't work on the sabbath?" Demetrius thought.
Demetrius shoved his way to the door and shouted for Simeon.
"Simeon, I'm here, let me in!" he shouted.
Simeon heard his name. He had been busy making sure the food was going to be ready, that he hadn't even paid attention to his guests. He looked and saw Demetrius at the door.
"Let Demetrius in." he told his attendants.
Simeon was glad to see Demetrius. "Go and see to my guests. There is a problem in the kitchen that is requiring my attention right now."
Demetrius tried to quiet the crowd. "Settle down and have a seat. The food will be ready soon."
But it was no use. People were shouting and pushing. A small argument had erupted at the head of the table over who was going to sit next to Jesus. Demetrius felt confident that he deserved the spot since Simeon was his mentor and had specifically invited him. Plus, he really wanted to ask Jesus some questions to see about his legitimacy. He began shoving his way forward. He even got a little more physical than he thought he could. But no matter what he tried, there seemed to be someone a little stronger than him in front.
He felt a hand on his shoulder. A rabbi he didn't recognize pulled him aside and gave him this advice:
"Sometimes it's better not to be at the head. What if you sat right next to Simeon and then Simeon's mentor walked through the door? Where will you sit then? Instead, head down to the foot of the table. Then, when Simeon's done in the kitchen and sees the foolishness at the head of the table, he'll ask what you are doing all the way at the end. Then you'll be honored among his guests."
Just then Simeon came into the room and it immediately settled down. The Rabbi Demetrius didn't recognized walked up to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He then turned to the crowd and said:
"The next time you have a dinner, don't invite each other. If you do, you'll only receive an invite to the next dinner party. Instead, invite those who can't afford a dinner, who can't work for food, those who can not pay you back. Then, your reward will be at the resurrection, in the Kingdom of God. And you will be at the head of the table."
Immediately Demetrius realized who the rabbi was. He understood his advice was much more than a way to the to the head of the table. He had given him a lesson on life. Demetrius took his place near the end of the table and shouted, "What a privilege it would be to have a share in the Kingdom of God."
Luke 14:7-15
8.06.2007
The Bourne Awesomeness...
I went to see The Bourne Ultimatum yesterday. What a great movie. Action from beginning to end. No sex scenes (go ahead Bill, make your obvious joke here). No over the top language. Just straight up awesomeness.
***Quasi Spoiler Alert***
I absolutely loved the way they brought the conversation between Bourne and Landy from the second movie into play. I thought that was pure genious. Whether they intended to do that from the beginning or came up with that sometime between the end of the second and the start of the third, I thought it was absolutely amazing.
If Hollywood would put out more movies like this, where the action is believable, the acting is fantastic (Scott Glenn as CIA chief!!!), and the story is engaging, they'd be making money hand over fist! Oh wait....
8.03.2007
What do you know? Mom WAS right...
When I was a wee little lad, I wanted a bee bee gun. Of course, my mom pulled the christmas story line of "You'll shoot your eye out." Well, I got one anyway. Then, I really wanted a skateboard. My mom tried the "You'll end up falling from 50 feet in the air in a big competition" line and got me rollerblades instead. Well, rollerbladeing led to street hockey games which have continued to this day. I wonder what happened to all the kids that got skateboards instead...
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